FET anniversary, support, and thankfulness…

There are important dates in all of our lives that become etched into our memory, a point at which our lives changed sometimes for the better or, sadly, sometimes for the worse. It’s hard to believe all that’s happened in our lives in the past year; it seems like it’s been so much more than what one year could possibly hold. Tomorrow, December 2nd marks the one year anniversary of our FET. The date that Ian became a part of our lives. A day that was filled with hope and possibility. A point at which the risk of joy and what could be became a bigger part of our lives than the grief and loss that had come before. Sure, there was still a great amount of fear in our lives, but we were stepping out in faith and hoping that our dreams would become a reality. What an incredible ride we have been on this past year!

This Holiday season I am thankful for so many things. Thankful that we’ve been given the gift of parenthood, that every day we get to experience the world through our son’s eyes, and that this holiday season we’re experiencing one magical moment after the next with Ian.

In our day to day world life has been wonderful. Ian has adjusted beautifully to daycare and seems to really enjoy his time there. I love how close he is and have enjoyed being able to just walk next door and visit him during my work day. Ian also experienced his first road trip this past week as we made our way home to Iowa to spend the Holiday with our families. He handled it perfectly which is such a relief since we’ll be making the same trek at the end of this month.

I’m curious whether any of you who have struggled with infertility have been involved in or attended a RESOLVE support group? If so what were your experiences? For some time now I’ve had it on my heart to possibly start one in my area but have been uncertain of whether there would be enough interest. I’d appreciate your feedback so much!

I hope this Holiday season brings hope & courage to those who need it most, and that those who have had their dreams realized recognize the beauty of that and how incredibly blessed their lives are.

These are the days…

I am officially a neglectful blogger. I didn’t intend to be “that girl,” but unfortunately time just passes by so quickly these days, and a certain someone wants to be held a majority of the time when I’m home thus leaving little time for blogging. I’ve been keeping up with most of your blogs though as reading blogs definitely doesn’t require two hands!

So while it seems each month goes faster and faster these days, we’ve had lots of good news to report. I’d say the milestone we’re all most excited about is that Ian is officially off oxygen!!! He’s been off O2 for a week and a half and is doing amazing. Life is so much easier for all of us now that we don’t also need to tote around an O2 tank everywhere baby goes. We also attended our first church service as a family this past Sunday and it was so nice to be able to introduce Ian to some of the people that have supported us these past few months with their prayers and love. Plus, who doesn’t love showing off their adorable baby?! He also continues to be doing great with breast feeding, and it’s funny to watch him when he takes an occasional bottle. He thinks he needs to suck fast for a letdown and instead ends up with a mouthful of milk running down his face. It’s too funny!

Our next hurdle to cross involves Ian beginning to attend a daycare the three days a week I work. While I know he’ll be in good hands and he’s going to be right next door to me at the child development center for the hospital where I work, it’s still a huge change for him which equals anxiety for me. Prior to this we’d had someone coming into the home to care for him, long story short that didn’t work out due to her cervical cancer diagnosis and they finally had an opening for him at the center. So for the first time he’ll be out of his home environment all day and around other small children. I know in the long run this will likely be a good and healthy development for him; he’ll learn to adapt to change and he’ll get to socialize with other children, but the initial adjustment scares me. I just worry about how he’ll handle all these changes and hope it’s not too difficult for him. Normal feelings I suppose.

All in all these days life has been filled with thankful moments. It’s the little things like enjoying a rainy afternoon with not just a good book and a warm cup of tea but a sleeping cuddly baby in my arms; the sweet smiles & coos that are given in return for gazing into those beautiful blue eyes. Watching him grow and thrive in front of our eyes has been so amazing. There are also the imperfect moments, when he fights sleep crying against what his little body needs, when I’m also feeling the throws of exhaustion and trying to balance his needs and my own. Ultimately though, as life so distinctly tends to brings us balance, the difficult moments give us perspective on those perfect moments we also get to experience. The joy is that much sweeter, the love that much deeper, and the gratitude that much fuller when you have struggled through the hardships of knowing how much life really can change in an instant and how precious this imperfect life we are blessed enough to live each day can be.

Breastfeeding & the difference a year makes…

This momma is SO thrilled to report that after 3 ½ months of exclusively pumping, Ian has finally taken to breastfeeding over the past couple of days. It is so much nicer for both of us. He seems much more content after eating, and for me it’s much more fulfilling to be able to feed my baby directly instead of relying only on the pump. Granted I’ll still need to pump for the three days a week I work but even cutting pumping down in half would be a huge improvement. We’ll see how the next few days go, but we’re hoping this change will make things a bit smoother for us & Ian.

We’re slowly taking Ian out a bit more; last weekend we made a trip to our local pumpkin patch for Ian’s first trip out of the house other than doctors appointments, and it was lovely! We’ve also enjoyed visits from grandparents recently. Nick’s parents came a couple of weeks ago and were a huge help, and then my mom came and stayed for a week and a half and was a lifesaver. It was so helpful to have an extra set of hands around the house, especially as we adjusted to my return to working.

Ian is almost completely off oxygen! He spent his first full day off O2 yesterday and it went great; we were even able to take him to a neighborhood get together. I kept him in the Ergo the whole time which he appeared to love as he slept the entire time we were there. At this point he doesn’t need oxygen when he’s awake and needs just the smallest amount (1/32nd of a liter) when in a deep sleep. At this rate we’re thinking he’ll be off oxygen completely in the next week or two! We found yesterday with him off of it all day that life is much easier since we can now carry him around the house without lugging around a heavy O2 tank.

While at the annual neighborhood get together last night I was talking to another new mother and she mentioned how she was struck by how much had changed since this time last year when she was newly pregnant. I in turn was hit by the memory of where I was at this time last year. I was still deeply grieving the loss of Lily which had occurred just three months earlier and wondering how and when if ever I’d be a mother to a living child. And there I stood feeling such joy, profound thankfulness, and a tinge of sadness for those who are still asking themselves those same questions I was a year ago. What a difference a year has made in our lives.

Lastly, I’d ask that you think of my dear friends Tiffany & Dennis as they remember & honor their son Julius on the one year anniversary of his death this Wednesday, October 12th. Say a prayer, light a candle, donate towards Julius’s memorial fund if you’re able, and be grateful for the child you hold not just in your heart but in your arms.

Back to work & sleep...

So I’ve been back at work for a couple of weeks now and honestly it’s been going much smoother than I expected. I’m working part time and it really feels like the perfect balance for us. I’ve found that since going back I realize I really do love my job for the most part of course, all jobs have their pros and cons. That being said though, I truly love the people I work with and feel a great deal of fulfillment in the work that I do.

Pumping while working has also been going much smoother than I expected. Thankfully, working in a hospital they’re pretty supportive of pumping and offer a lactation room to help make things a bit easier. In a way, it’s really been nice in that it forces me to stop even in the craziest of days and take a bit of a break and also forces me to leave work on time which is also a plus. Another plus is that I’m already back to my pre pregnancy weight thanks to the awesome calorie burning pumping gives, even though I’ve been a complete sweet fiend all the sudden! On the down side, I really miss caffeine and cannot wait for the day that I can guzzle down as much warm delicious caffeinated coffee or tea as I want. I’ve been allowing myself one caffeinated beverage a day to get through which has worked for now, but I really look forward to not being restricted in terms of my much loved drug of choice.

Now on to our challenge at the moment: sleep, or the lack thereof. I realize since Ian is a preemie we are dealing with a baby whose adjusted age is only about a month old, but when you’re balancing work and baby that type of sleep schedule can be rough. He typically feeds every 3-4hrs at night at which time Nick bottles him and I also pump, then of course he decides he doesn’t always want to go to sleep. Also, frequently at night even when he does fall asleep it’s a very fitful sleep in which he easily wakes up and fusses. Another bad parenting habit we’ve started is allowing him to sleep in our bed. Honestly, it started out of desperation in the throws of major sleep deprivation, and now he’s decided it’s the only place he likes to sleep. For now we’re doing the co-sleeping thing because well we’re desperate for some sleep during the night, but as he gets bigger we definitely want to try and get him sleeping on his own. Also, since he’s still on the apnea monitor and O2 we’re able to sleep a bit easier knowing we’d be alerted if he stops breathing. After reading a bit more on high need infant’s sleep habits on Dr. Sears’ site, I’m feeling that Ian’s habits are a bit more normal for an infant like him which makes me feel a little less guilty since it seems this is just what he needs right now. For those of you who aren’t familiar with his story, Dr. Sears & his wife had three babies who were all easy sleepers and then their fourth child changed their views on many of their previous parenting beliefs as she was a high needs baby requiring them to change the methods in which they cared for her.

Ian continues to be on a very small amount of oxygen (1/16th of a liter/min). We had hoped he’d be off of it by now, but he still needs that tiny little bit when sleeping. Hopefully within the next 2-4wks he’ll be off of it completely, but only time will tell. We’re strongly considering paying privately for a little while to keep the apnea monitor once our pediatrician feels it’s no longer needed which will probably be at his appointment this coming week since he’s had no apnea spells for the past month and a half or so. We’re too worried about SIDS and the apnea monitor helps to alleviate our fears a bit. Ian continues to grow great; he’s probably over 9 ½ lbs at this point assuming he’s continuing to gain as he did for his last appointment. Soon little man will officially be in the double digits!

And of course had to include a couple recent pictures of Ian…

I took this adorable video this morning & was able to catch him smiling...too freaking cute!!!

Cloth diapering...

For those of you who are interested in cloth diapering but are uncertain, I thought you might like to hear about our experience to date. During my pregnancy when I mentioned to someone that we were planning to cloth diaper, I almost always got a response somewhere along the lines of “ha, ha we’ll see how that goes once you have the baby”! Well I’m happy to report that as I expected it’s going great, and to be honest it has been easier then I even expected it to be! Granted I know cloth diapering isn’t for everyone, but for our family it was definitely the right choice. One of the reasons we chose to cloth diaper was for the cost savings. Consumer Reports estimates that parents can save $1,500 to $2,000 by using cloth diapers instead of disposables—and cloth diaper retailer Jillian’s Drawers estimates that parents can save approximately $4,000 by using the same cloth diapers for two kids. Another major reason I wanted to cloth diaper was for the environmental benefits. Disposable diapers are estimated to take 250-500 years to decompose, and they’re the third largest single consumer item in landfills and represent about 4% of solid waste. In households with just one diaper-age child, disposables make up as much as 50% of total household waste, according to a 2003 study by the Women’s Environmental Network (via the Real Diaper Association). In addition, it takes around one cup of crude oil to make a disposable diaper. I’m a bit of a tree hugger so this is honestly one of the major reasons cloth diapering appeals to me so much, but it was easier to get the husband on board using the cost savings argument.

So those are just a couple of the benefits; there are many more but in the essence of saving time…on to what we’ve tried and how it’s worked for us. I decided for the newborn period I wanted to do a diaper rental as this seemed more economical for me since he wouldn’t be able to fit into the diapers for very long. I decided on one of Nell’s Natural Baby rentals. The rental we chose includes 24 size 0 Kissaluvs fitteds and 3 Size 1 Thirsties Duo Covers. You get all of this for three months for $100 and if you want to continue the rental longer it’s just an additional $33/mth! The Kissaluvs will fit babies from 5-15lbs. So far we’ve really liked these diapers. They fit Ian great and are very easy to use, even Dad admits they’re easier then he expected! And of course they’re super cute!

I had also purchased some Flip diapers previously and have started using those when the laundry starts to get low. These have also worked really well, they’re a little bulkier right now because he’s so small but the great thing about them is they are a one size diaper meaning they’ll grow with Ian until he’s out of diapers! We use the stay dry inserts, and wow, do they live up to their name and they’re so soft. And to round out our diaper stash at this stage I’ve got a couple different all in one’s (AIO’s). We’ve tried the Bumgenius AIO which is so incredibly soft and also works wonders, and you cannot get any easier; these are basically the same design as disposables and just as simple to use. I also won a Kissaluvs newborn AIO and love this diaper as well. It fits great and is a bit trimmer than the other diapers while also working just as well.

In terms of washing my cloth, I typically end up doing laundry every 2-3 days. If you’re new to cloth, an important part of caring for your cloth diapers and ensuring they last is using a safe detergent that won’t harm them. One of the best resources for choosing a laundry detergent for your cloth is this awesome list put together by Pinstripes and Polkadots that details all the different types of detergent and which ones are safe to use. I chose a detergent I’m able to easily get at my local grocery store called Planet. You only need a very small amount for each load. The washing cycle I’ve been using that has worked well so far is to do a cold rinse cycle first, then a hot wash cycle with the detergent, and then another cold rinse cycle to ensure all the soap is out of the diapers. I hang my covers to dry and then dry the diapers on the high setting in the dryer. I also use these wool dryer balls in each of my drying loads to decrease drying time and also soften the diapers.

Another little tidbit on safe products for your cloth diapers includes diaper rash creams. It’s important to be sure the cream you choose is cloth diaper friendly. We use California Baby diaper rash cream & love it! It smells so good! Ian hasn’t had any rashes since using cloth diapers, we simply use this as a preventative measure about once a day.

I also use cloth wipes the majority of the time. I have a great cloth wipe warmer that has been working awesome for us. I use the following wipe solution recipe: mix 2 Tablespoons baby wash (natural type is recommended, I use Johnsons Natural baby wash), 2 Tablespoons olive oil, and 2 cups of water. I roll each wipe, then dip them in the mixed solution and add to the warmer. They are so soft and warm & are awesome at cleaning up a dirty bum, they work much better then the disposable wipes that we occasionally use!

Now on to the question everyone always asks…what about the poop? Well, another great product out there to make cloth diapering easier are flushable diaper liners. You just place these in the diaper and when changing baby this catches the poop and you’re able to just throw the liner and poop straight into the toilet. With breastfed babies, the dirty diapers can just go straight into the diaper pail and into the laundry since its completely water soluble. We’ve tried a couple different types of flushable liners so far and both have worked well at keeping some of his poop off the diapers, but since he is drinking breast milk his stool is pretty loose and there is a certain amount that still gets on the diapers themselves. While the diapers do start to get stains from poop over time there is a simple, free solution to clearing those stains right up…the sun! That’s right, you just simple lay the stained diapers in the sun and they’ll look brand new after about 30 minutes. If you’re like me and aren’t allowed to hang your laundry out to dry in your neighborhood, you can simply lay them in a window that gets direct sunlight and the sun will still work it’s magic in making your diapers look brand new after a couple hours!

Well I think that about wraps it up for now in terms of our cloth diapering escapades so far, but I’ll definitely be updating now and then on how this is going and new products we’ve tried. There are so many different types of diapers I’d still like to try and add to our stash! Also, if you have any cloth diapering questions you’d like to ask me feel free to comment and I’ll be sure to answer them in my next post on cloth diapering. Also those of you who cloth diaper, what are your favorite diapers and CD friendly products?

And just because they're so stinking cute here are a few pics of Ian wearing some of his first cloth diapers….

And one more cute little pic I had to share, Ian lounging in the Ergo carrier with me...LOVE it!

Countdown time...

I must again apologize for being so absent from blogging as of late. Life with our Ian at home has been wonderful and very full! Hard to believe that he’s already 8 1/2wks old! We’re definitely getting into a routine and feel like we’re getting to know our little boy more every day as he grows and little pieces of his personality begin to show through. He loves cuddle time with Momma and has been a bit more demanding that this occur on a frequent basis as of late, which of course I’m more than happy to oblige! It will make life much easier once he’s off his oxygen so that I can at least carry him or wear him in the Moby throughout the house instead of us both being sequestered to the one room! As of our doctor’s appointment last week Ian was up to 7lbs 2.5oz! Nick & I are quite the team and he is such a support to me with the whole pumping/bottling routine which makes everything so much easier at home. He continues to get up with us during the night and helps feed Ian so that I can pump and we can both get back to sleep sooner which makes a tremendous difference!

Time has definitely been flying by, and with that the time for me to return to work is drawing nearer. September 13^th to be exact, and thus the countdown to my 12wks of maternity leave ending is looming heavily. I honestly feel incredibly thankful that when I do return it will be part time working three days a week (Monday-Wednesday) which I’m hopeful will make the transition for all of us a bit easier. I’m planning to make a valiant attempt at continuing to  pump once I return to work but have to admit I’m a bit nervous about how I’ll work this into my already intense work day schedule. I’ll obviously be cutting down on the amount I’m currently pumping and am planning to just pump once in the middle of the work day but have a feeling even this may be challenging some days with my case load. I’ve already purchased extra pump supplies so that I won’t have to worry with cleaning up until evening and plan to pump right before leaving for work in the morning to hopefully get me through until mid-day. For those ladies who have pumped after returning to work, I’d love any advice and recommendations you’ve got to help me make this a successful transition.

I’m planning a cloth diapering post in the near future to share all that we’ve learned so far. We’re absolutely loving our cloth diapers and have found them to be so much easier than expected and definitely worth the small amount of additional work. A post about all of that is definitely on my agenda to finish soon!

We continue to be amazed at all the love that brought Ian into this world and the incredible amount of love that he’s received during these past two months. It’s mind blowing to look at all the lives he’s touched and the impact he’s already making in his small little corner of the world. I pray daily that we’re guided in our walk as Ian’s  parents, and we continue to be humbled and grateful that we were chosen to be a part of this amazing little boys life. 

Home at last....

I know I’ve been terribly neglectful of this blog in the past month, but being there for Ian has been my main priority and has left very little time for much else. I’m thrilled to report that after 5wks 4 days in the hospital, he was dismissed on Saturday. The first couple of days at home were a bit rough as he continues to be on oxygen and an apnea monitor. Feedings were also a bit of a challenge initially, but thankfully each day has seen improvements, and it feels like we’re definitely getting into a routine as a family.

Yesterday Nick & I were looking back at some of the pictures and videos we took from the beginning of his stay in the NICU, and it really hit home how far the little guy has come. I actually had to stop looking at the videos from those first couple of weeks as it was too painful to look back at how sick he was and how much he was hurting during that time.

Sleep has definitely become something of the past; to a certain extent I expected this, but the challenges of an extended NICU stay and preemie feeding habits have compounded this a bit. As with many things throughout this journey I’ve learned that things don’t always go as you plan. We learned while he was in the NICU that if we wanted to bring him home earlier we needed to focus on bottle feeding as it would take him significantly longer to catch on to breastfeeding. I had always planned to breastfeed but found that in terms of his returning home it wasn’t the priority I had previously thought it to be. It was still extremely important to us that he be fed breast milk though so that he receives the antibodies that can give him an advantage against illness and an edge in terms of growth. Hence our busy cyclical schedule of bottle feeding baby, pumping, washing his feeding and my pumping supplies and, at least during the night, hopefully getting 1 ½ -2hrs of sleep in between. Nick & I had to laugh last night when we were so excited thinking that a stretch of 2hrs of sleep sounded incredible…oh how your perspective changes!

All in all life is pretty great right now, and I can’t help but think that all of the heartache and pain we went through to get to this moment strengthened us and gave us such a incredible thankfulness for Ian’s life and the blessing of being his parents. Of course it’s always easier to see the light after the storm, but I know with certainty that I cannot imagine not being the mother to this amazing little man. I saw this quote the other day and thought it holds so much truth. “The deeper the sorrow that carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. Joy and sorrow are inseparable.” ~Kahlil Gibran

CaringBridge & updates...

Sorry I haven’t been updating on here as often as I’d like, our days at the hospital fill up quickly! Here is a link to Ian’s CaringBridge page if you’d like to follow his progress more closely. My husband posts an update on his CaringBridge page daily:
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/IanJamesKeunen

I’m not sure how often I’ll be able to update on here so thought this may be easier. He continues to make great strides and we remain hopeful that he’ll be home with us in the next 3-4wks.  An excerpt from the CaringBridge post today: “One of our favorite respiratory therapists stopped by yesterday, and she again mentioned how amazed she was at his progress.  As much as she'd like to take credit for the, dare I say, miraculous turnaround last week, she knows that it's not modern medicine alone that heals that quickly.  It's a strong little boy with the love and prayers of hundreds of his family and friends that heals.  In the span of 48 hours, Ian went from being intubated, on high frequency ventilation, and having a chest tube to needing no breathing support.  So thank you all and please continue to pray for him and send positive thoughts his way.”

One final plug I have to get in. As some of you may remember we’re planning to cloth diaper when Ian comes home, and at the beginning of the week I placed an order for the newborn diaper rental with Nell’s Natural Baby as the website asks that you leave a month for arrival. We placed a comment on the order that our baby is in the NICU and we were expecting him to hopefully arrive home in 3-4wks, hence placement of the order now. Well she processed our order the next day! I called her to discuss it since I was worried this meant our 3 months was starting now, and she kindly explained she had experienced having a baby in the NICU and didn’t want us to stress over when this would arrive. She told me we could start the three months from when Ian arrives home and not to worry about it at all. I hope that if any of you need cloth diaper supplies in the future, you’ll consider shopping at Nell’s Natural Baby. I can’t speak highly enough of her amazing customer service and the kindness we have been shown!

Incredible progress & precious first moments…

What a day yesterday was! I got to the hospital about 8:30am and ended up not leaving until 9:30pm. It was the most incredible whirlwind day of amazing changes for Ian.  The day began with the doctor informing me that Ian's hematocrit was a little low (38 when they like to see 40 while on a ventilator), which means he was slightly anemic, so they decided to give him a 23cc blood transfusion.  This isn't abnormal for a preemie. He was increased to 15mL per feeding every 3 hours. His weight has also increased a bit, he’s up to 3lbs 8ozs!!!  The doctor showed us Ian's chest x-ray which had no pneumothorax, and the PIE was improved to the point that you might not even know he had it if you weren't looking for it! So the decision was made to go off the high frequency ventilator in the morning and see how he did.  He tolerated that well, so they extubated in the afternoon! We were able to be there to witness it and hear his first little cries after having that tube pulled; it was such a wonderful thing to hear!  He was then placed on a CPAP, and they took a blood gas a couple hours later which came back perfect!  They even decreased the pressure on his CPAP from 6 to 5 last night. Then this morning he was moved to 4 and this afternoon he’s been weaned down to 3! He is such a strong little man!

Ian was very feisty yesterday, which the doctors say is a good thing.  Since he was tolerating the CPAP so well I got to hold him for the first time skin to skin which was about the only thing that really calmed him down yesterday.  It was the most amazing moment, he got to lay on my chest for an hour and a half and it was such an incredibly peaceful comforting time for us both. It was by far my favorite moment since his birth and I look forward to our daily “kangaroo” time together! As long as he’s not having any complications they recommend 1 ½-2hrs of skin to skin time for us every day!!!

He was moved to an isolette to help maintain his body temperature better.  This has been the plan for awhile, but they were short of isolettes initially, and then didn't want to move him with the chest tube in. He seems to really like his isolette as it’s much quieter and consistently warm as well.

Today, Ian and I are having another wonderful day together. The nurse was quite pleased to see me walk in this morning since holding momma's hand calms him down quite a bit.  He hardly lets me leave his bedside. He’s such a momma’s boy already!   This afternoon we met with a physical therapist who taught me infant massage and Ian LOVED it! It was so amazing for me to learn another physical thing that brings him comfort and calms him. Pumping has also been going so well, and thankfully, my supply has been increasing every day so we’re well ahead of what he needs in terms of quantity at this time. I’ve even gotten over 100mL in one pumping a few times. I love doing it as it’s one more physical thing I can provide for him and another step to helping him to grow stronger so that hopefully we’re able to actually breastfeed together some day soon. We’re going to head back up to the hospital tonight to enjoy some more time with our little man. Thank you all for the support, prayers, and love you’ve sent our way this past week; we are so thankful for all the progress Ian continues to make.

Remembering our Lily & thankfulness for Ian….

Nick and I had previously decided to take the day off work today to remember Lily and to focus on her. Just another plan that had to be adjusted a bit with the early arrival of her little brother Ian, but we have definitely felt Lily’s presence today as we spent the day at the hospital. It’s hard to imagine all that has happened in the past year since she came into our lives. I often feel it has been much longer as there is so much that has transpired, but I also feel our lives have become so much richer. Lily gave us so much perspective on what truly is important in this life. She has helped us to cherish those we love and to really be thankful for each precious memory that we share together. Nick & I told Ian about his big sister earlier today and it seems she really is watching over him as he has had a wonderful day, and thankfully we continue to receive good news on his condition.

We feel so blessed as the NICU team working with Ian is absolutely incredible. His oxygen needs continue to be low and he's very stable.  He had a chest x-ray this morning and his pneumothorax appears to be resolved, so they're planning to clamp the chest tube again tomorrow morning and then follow with a chest x-ray.  If everything looks good and no air reaccumulates, he may have his chest tube removed!  His PIE (pulmonary interstitial emphysema) is still present, but improves a little bit every day.  He'll stay on the high frequency ventilator until it clears up, then get back on the normal ventilator, then be weaned off that to a CPAP.

Also received more reassuring news in that Ian had the standard day 6 head ultrasound and it came back perfect.  Brain bleeds are classified from 1-4 with 4 being the worst, and he had a zero.  It's pretty rare for a 31wk baby to have one, but this is still good news and one less worry for us. Ian's also getting increased breast milk every day.  Slowly but surely, we're progressing to getting those lungs healed up.  He'll probably be in the NICU for at least another 4 wks, but could be a bit longer.

Our hearts are overfilled with love for Ian and Lily, and I can honestly say that although we feel sadness that a part of our family is missing, we have also never felt so much happiness and love as we have today. This past year has been one amazing journey, and although there have been both highs and lows, I can now look back knowing it was each step along that journey that led us to this precious child we now are so incredibly blessed to call our own, and for that I am humbled beyond belief. We love you Ian and Lily.

Dismissal and new routines…

Thank you all for your kind words and for welcoming our little Ian James into the world! These past few days have been quite the whirlwind & thankfully I’m now starting to come out of my drug induced haze and back to the land of the living. We had a great visit with our little man in the NICU this morning where I got to hold my hand on the top of his head for some skin to skin contact and read him three books. He did have to have a ventilator placed to help him breath the other day and a chest tube to get rid of air around his lungs, but the neonatologist is hopeful that if things remain stable he’ll be off the chest tube within the next couple of days. I’ve been pumping diligently every three hours since the day of his birth and we were thrilled that my milk finally started to come in last night. As those of you who have had babies in the NICU know all too well, you feel so helpless and there is so little you can do for them, so it feels wonderful to be able to provide this for him in the hopes it will help him grow stronger and keep him healthy.

Yesterday was our favorite morning yet with Ian; we got this video with him when we got to see him with his eyes open for the first time after they removed his bilirubin mask.. We spent a ton of time talking to him and loving on him the morning before the chest tube had to be placed.

Seriously, how adorable is he?!

Overall I’m doing okay, just still honestly trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I’m no longer pregnant and that little Ian really is here. It’s difficult leaving the hospital without him, but we’re trying to hold on to the knowledge that his prognosis is excellent and we simply have to be patient. I’ll be dismissing from the hospital later today, and we’ll then be attempting to develop our new routine of visiting Ian in the NICU until he gets to join us at home. My blood pressure has still been high, which I’m told is normal with severe preeclampsia patients, so my OB will be releasing me on blood pressure medications for at least the next few weeks to keep that under control. I’ll follow up with her next week to have my staples removed from the cesarean incision, and in time hopefully will start to regain my strength.

It’s been a bit eerie to be in the same hospital where I delivered Lily almost a year ago, and as we again are released home without a baby in our arms, it’s hard not to feel a bit of sadness. Although we’re trying to hold to the fact that soon we will get to take our little Ian home with us, we just can’t wait for that day to come! 

Introducing...

Hey, this is husband Nick writing for an exhausted Rebecca.  Yesterday was a whirlwind.  The Magnesium that was lowering Rebecca’s blood pressure was also causing baby’s heart to slow (the Magnesium relaxes ALL muscles).  Slowly, over the course of about 30 hours, baby’s heart rate went from a baseline of 130, to 120, to 110, and the doctors started considering doing the c-section early.  When it hovered around 100 for about 20 minutes, the doctors decided to go ahead with the c-section while everyone was still healthy and not under duress.  Waiting until the next day would provide little benefit compared to getting baby out while he was still healthy.  We were briefed on the c-section, then whisked to the OR before we could even call our families.

And so, at 2:03pm on June 21, 2011, Ian James was born to this world at 31wks, 3days gestation.  He weighed 3lbs 7oz and was 16 ¼ inches long.  Ian cried right away and started breathing on his own.  He even peed on the nurses a couple times (atta boy!).  He scored a 6 on the APGARs at 1 minute, and a 9 at 5 minutes past delivery (0 is awful and 10 is perfect).  We got to see him just briefly and take a couple pictures before I accompanied him to the NICU while Rebecca got stitched up.

They put him on a CPAP to help keep the lungs open and prevent apnea, and stuck a bunch of monitors to his tiny little body.  His stats were strong and everything looked perfect.  But… as the neonatologist commented, everything was going just a little too perfect for a 31 weeker.  We had our first little hiccup this morning when Ian’s tiny little left lung got an air pocket around it.  The doctors did a chest x-ray and removed the air pocket with a tiny needle.  They also gave him some medicine to help his lungs soften and inflate better.  They went ahead and put in a breathing tube as well.  Doctors are hoping the remaining air around his lungs will be reabsorbed into his lungs.  He’s doing great and stats holding strong and steady, and his prognosis is excellent.

Here are a few pictures of our new arrival:





Rebecca is doing well but still completely exhausted from the Magnesium.  She's been limited in her visits to the NICU, so she’s looking forward to getting off of that medication this afternoon to dote on our little miracle all day long.  Please keep Ian and Mom in your thoughts and prayers.

The best laid plans....

We know all too well that even the best laid plans don’t work out as we had hoped.  I started to experience more swelling over the weekend, and when I went to work this morning, one of the nurses took my blood pressure and it was extremely high (193/110).

Thus we started our journey to the hospital’s Labor and Delivery department where I was promptly admitted with severe preeclampsia.  They’ve given me Magnesium to treat the high blood pressure and the first steroid shot to help the baby’s lungs to develop.  My initial platelet count was also low, and they are monitoring it closely.  Believe it or not, my platelet count might actually determine when this baby joins us in this world.  If the count gets too low, our breech baby boy will need to delivered by c-section.  Now for the good news: my second platelet count came back up slightly and blood pressure is down a bit.  If the platelet count keeps steady or goes up, baby can stay in the incubator for a bit longer.  At this point they’re checking it every 6hrs. I think our big goal is to make it to Wednesday so baby can get his second steroid shot through his system, but it would be amazing if we can get even more time. I feel at ease that we are in the best possible hands. I’m convinced I’m blessed to have the absolute best OB and have complete trust in her. We’re at an amazing hospital with a Level 3 NICU so I know he’s also going to be in very good hands. We had an ultrasound earlier and baby is measuring about 3lbs 6oz and is looking very healthy, so we’re feeling positive about that as well.

Trying to take things one moment at a time and not get too overwhelmed with it all. As most of you know, Lily’s Birthday is coming up only a week from today which adds even more to the situation. Will update as often as we can & appreciate all the support, thoughts, and prayers you can send our way. I treasure your words of support and encouragement, they help to keep me positive and strong. Holding hope and faith that the One who made this pregnancy possible and brought this precious life to us will continue to carry us through & keep this baby boy strong.

"When you come to the edge of all the light you know, and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing one of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught how to fly." --Barbara J. Winter

Nursery preparations, swelling, and pediatrician suggestions…

Thoroughly excited that we’ll be hitting the 30wk mark on Saturday of this week!!! We saw the MFM Specialist last week on Tuesday and had another lovely ultrasound. Our little guy continues to look perfectly healthy, and as of that appointment last week, he was estimated to weigh 2lbs 9ozs! The specialist felt that things were going so well she wouldn’t need to see us again and we could just follow up with our OB for the last couple ultrasounds. Speaking of the OB, I had my regular 2wk check up with her today which was also completely normal and drama free! I appear to be getting good at this! Overall I’m feeling good, although with the intense heat this past week has brought, the pregnancy swelling has officially begun. My poor feet appear to be getting the worst of it. I’ve been trying to elevate them in the evenings but my shoes are getting tighter and tighter and I’m not sure what I’m going to do about work shoes soon (I’m required to wear closed toed shoes at work). My fingers are also starting to swell, so this past weekend I got a silver band at Target since I think my wedding band wearing days may be numbered for the summer. The OB said as long as my blood pressure and lab work continue to be healthy there is no reason to be concerned about the swelling; it’s just part of the fun of being pregnant in the summer. We discussed delivery a bit today. As of this last ultrasound the baby continues to be in the breech position. She said that if babies are going to move, they typically do so by 34wks, so if he hasn’t moved by the last ultrasound, we’ll have to have a discussion about trying to move him or the possibility of a c-section. She also felt that if I made it to 39wks she wouldn’t want me to go past that, so we’d likely be looking at induction if we make it that far and he’s not breech. Interestingly, with my first pregnancy I had every intention of trying for a natural childbirth, which technically I did, but now this time around I’ve really been unable to think about it much until recently, and to be honest as long as he comes into this world healthy I don’t care how it happens. I have complete faith and trust in my doctor and I learned the hard way last time that no matter how much preparation I place on the delivery, whatever is going to happen will happen, so I’m ready to just roll with it this time.

Profile pic

Face and hand

Saturday we attended a breastfeeding class at the hospital where we’ll be delivering. It was very informative and we both were glad we attended as it gave us a lot of useful information that will hopefully help to make our breastfeeding experience a positive one. I was also relieved to know they have outreach services available if problems do arise after we’re home, so I’ll know where to turn for help. The instructor struck a good balance between adding some humor to the topic and getting the information across. Nick pointed out how similar she sounded to the Church Lady (Dana Carvey skit from SNL) about half way through the class which left us both enjoying even more laughs!

We had a great time this weekend starting to prepare the baby’s nursery. I had found these adorable wall decals on Etsy, and Nick put them up this weekend. As you can see, the finished product is pretty freaking adorable! It was so exciting to start making changes to the room for his arrival, but it was also mixed with some bittersweet emotions. It also meant going through some of Lily’s things and moving them out of the nursery. Another one of those moments I wasn’t sure we’d reach and filled with such mixed emotions; the sadness of her absence and the joy of his impending arrival. Talk about a rollercoaster of emotions!

Dresser/changing table, opposite wall from crib

I’ll see the OB again in two weeks for another check up and ultrasound!! We’re also starting to look into pediatricians in the area and asking around to see who friends recommend. We’ve started a list of those that have come recommended and are doing our research. To those of you who have had children recently, what did you do to find your pediatrician? Did you make an appointment to actually meet the doctor before having the baby?

Hope, thankfulness, and remembering…

So we’ve officially made it to 28wks and are thrilled to have reached this milestone! Throughout this pregnancy both Nick & I have had this as our goal, and if we made it to this point we could start planning. So the fun has officially begun and it feels freaking fantastic! We made the leap and registered yesterday. While we were at one of the stores registering, we ran into one of my favorite nurses from our RE's office and it was one of those full circle moments that I wasn't sure I'd ever experience, and it was wonderful!

28wk bump pic

I had a routine OB appointment this past Wednesday and all continues to move forward smoothly. We’ve reached the point at which we’ll now be seeing our OB every 2 wks which is hard to believe. We have an appointment for an ultrasound and follow up with the MFM specialist on Tuesday morning and are really looking forward to that. I’m feeling this little guy move all the time and absolutely love it! Honestly, there are times when I feel a little guilty feeling so much joy when I know others are hurting, knowing that some of my other friends are struggling, but I also know that I need to enjoy these precious moments as there are no guarantees I’ll ever experience this again.

As of this past Friday, we’re only a month away from Lily’s first birthday, a day that is filled with mixed emotions and weight. Now, almost a year out from losing her, I can honestly say the pain is less heavy and our days are filled with more joy and hope and less sadness. We’re uncertain at this point of what we’re going to do on that day; we’ve both made the decision to take it off from work. At times I feel like there is so much pressure to do something so special for her, but I think ultimately being together as a family, remembering her, loving her, and being thankful for the love we have experienced in this past year that has allowed us to survive losing her, that is truly honoring her. I was baking this afternoon and listening to music when one of the songs from Lily's funeral came on my playlist and it was one of those times where I felt so incredibly thankful to be in this moment. It made me stop and think back to hearing that song at the end of her funeral (Hope Now by Addison Road), and at that time wondering if we really would have better days ahead, yet clinging to the faith that one day we would. And now here I am almost a year later filled with thankfulness for the life I am now carrying and the son we will soon meet and all of the miraculous things that have transpired over this past year to even allow this to occur. I’m thankful for the hope that carried us through the difficult early days, that brought us to this time and for God’s hand in bringing our donor family into our lives.

One of my dear IRL friends Tiffany could use loads of love and support tomorrow as she & her husband remember their son Julius’s 1st Birthday. He passed away from SIDS only 7 ½ months ago. If you have a moment tomorrow, please send her a little love, and in your own way remember her little boy. He has left an incredible legacy through his family who have ensured that others who experience similar losses are shown compassion and are not left alone. Tomorrow is a day when they need to feel that same compassion reflected back to them.

Thoughts for a friend and legislative advocacy….

My heart is heavy tonight for a dear friend. Augusta learned today that their baby stopped growing at some point between their 8wk ultrasound and now. She has been an incredible support to me in our journey and a friend I have held so much hope for in her long desired and awaited pregnancy. Please stop by, abide with her in this time of grief, and help her to feel surrounded by love and support.

It feels trivial to say much more than that at a time when a friend is dealing with such a loss, but since it is something that affects so many of us in the infertility community and holds so much importance, I wanted to mention The Family Act of 2011, S 965, which is new legislation that has been introduced recently in the US Senate. If passed, this would give people diagnosed with infertility a tax credit for the out-of-pocket expenses related to IVF treatments as well as medical procedures to preserve fertility for cancer patients. What can you do to help? Now that it is introduced, this legislation needs co-sponsors in the U.S. Senate.  We need EVERYONE who is facing infertility (and their friends and family) to contact their two U.S. Senators. Go to RESOLVE’s Action Alert System. PLEASE review the online letter and personalize it with your story.  You can add as much or as little information as you want in the body of the letter.  Help make a difference & ensure your voice is heard!

Looking back & forward...

Besides feeling wonderful about reaching 26wks in this pregnancy, this week also marks another milestone in our lives that I am immensely thankful to be experiencing. Tuesday marks our 8yr wedding anniversary! Celebrating our anniversary is also a time to reflect back on all that we’ve experienced together over the years. I’m thankful to honestly say that I continue to fall more in love with the man I am blessed to call my husband every day. Granted, these eight years have brought us many unexpected twists and turns, but through it all our relationship has only grown stronger. Through the difficulties of these past couple of years, I’m grateful to have had a husband who has been my rock, my constant, and my closest ally. I’m thankful that we took the time to build such a strong foundation in our marriage so that when the challenges came we were able to lean on each other and grow together. I was visiting with a patient this week who talked so fondly of his wife with whom he had shared 58years of marriage, and later that night I thought of how much I hope that Nick & I will have the opportunity to spend 50+ more years together.

We both are beginning to feel less cautious and more optimistic about this pregnancy and along with that the excitement of planning for this baby’s arrival. We’ve been saying for a while now that 28wks is our big milestone, the point at which we feel we can move forward with making more concrete preparations. Only two more weeks until we reach that point. The excitement building in our house is palpable!

26wk bump pic

Lastly for those of you who enjoy the comfort brought by a warm cup of tea I found out about this wonderful company Teamotions a couple weeks ago. I was greatly impressed by their incredible customer service & of course their delicious tea. A baby loss mother herself Rachel and her sister Crystal started the company after the loss of her twins and the emotional well being & solace they knew could be brought to both the body and soul by the warmth of a cup of tea.

Thankfulness...

I feel like I have so much to be thankful for this past week, so I thought it was the perfect opportunity to participate in Natasha’s Happy List Blog Hop.

First, I’m feeling immensely blessed to have reached 24wks, a.k.a. viability week. Although I know we still have a ways to go before we’re in a really safe/healthy gestation, this is a major milestone and another step towards us bringing our baby boy home, hopefully in August.

24wk bump

Of course the excitement of finding out we’re having a boy was a highlight this week, but mostly hearing the positive results of the fetal heart echo and ultrasound showing that he is perfectly healthy was the best part of the week!

Second, I’ve been so blessed with incredible friends and family. We received a beautiful bouquet of the most gorgeous Lily’s this past week from my parents in remembrance of Lily’s 10mth birthday. Also I got the best package in the mail this week from my dear friend Rachel; she handmade the most beautiful burp cloths for the baby and gave me some of her son’s cutest little outfits! It was SO much fun to look at all this stuff and place it in our son’s nursery…just love the sound of that sentence, don’t you?! I also received the diaper bag I fell in love with during my first pregnancy in the mail. I was able to score an incredible deal on Zulily when it was featured a couple of weeks ago, and I love it even more in person than I thought I would!

Another happy list blessing is a local cloth diaper store where I was able to participate in a swap and trade in a couple of my girly, never used cloth diaper covers for some adorable, more boy appropriate cloth covers! It was also nice to meet another local cloth diapering momma and wonderful to have the support and advice of the staff at this store; I’m excited to be visiting them again in the future!

I’m also so, so incredibly thankful for the safety of our dear friends in Alabama as terrifying storms ripped through the area this past week. We lived there for 4 ½ years, and our hearts are still very much there with our close friends. Thankfully, although many of them are still without power, they are all safe their homes intact, which is a tremendous blessing given the opposite fate that so many across Alabama met this past week.

Lastly, I’m thankful for this amazing community who support and encourage each other. As some of you may be aware, Sunday is International Babylost Mothers Day. I’m thankful that this IBMD I’m filled with hope for the future, and that in the past year I have been embraced by a sisterhood of women who have been with me through the worst moment of my life and have helped me to survive and come out stronger!

Surprise...

We had an appointment at the MFM Specialists for our fetal heart echo this morning and it was so amazing! Everything was so much clearer than our last ultrasound since the baby is bigger, and thankfully we only received positive news that baby is looking healthy. Baby’s heartbeat was measuring at 144bpm and current weight is 1lb 4ozs. And for the big surprise, we decided to find out the sex after all, and it was a good thing we were okay with finding out because as you can see from the below picture it was pretty obvious even to us that…

It's a BOY!!!!

Here are a couple more cute profile shots of our little man…

Thinking...

We’re relieved to know that all things continue to point to him being a healthy baby, and it was so wonderful to get all of that time this morning to see him and the little world he currently inhabits. Although we’re not out of the danger zone yet, I’m definitely feeling more and more reassurance that this time we are going to bring home a healthy baby. 

"Every child born into the world is a new thought of God, an ever fresh and radiant possibility" ~Kate Douglas Wiggin

Pressing on...

On Friday I will be 22wks 6days pregnant, the day everything went tragically wrong during my pregnancy with Lily, and that upcoming day is weighing heavily over me. If we get past Friday, I will officially be the farthest into a pregnancy I’ve ever been. Overall, I’ve been trying to focus on the positive and visualizing myself with a healthy full term pregnancy, but the fear is looming with this big milestone approaching. I awoke early this morning and couldn’t get back to sleep, fear clinging to me. So I made the decision to make an appointment with my OB for reassurance, and I’m so thankful I did. I think my pregnancy hormones are a bit in overdrive at the moment, and I was a tearful mess, but the doctor was so reassuring and comforting. She was able to find a healthy strong heartbeat immediately, checked my cervix confirming it was closed, and offered the support I needed in that moment. She assured me that I can come in everyday if I need to and suggested I make another follow up appointment next week to offer further reassurance. She knows these next couple of weeks are challenging. Moving on, pressing forward, not only past the point I was with my last pregnancy, but also getting past the point of viability is an immense milestone.

Nick & I traveled home to visit family this past weekend and got to meet our newest nephew. I instantly fell in love with him and relished his precious baby cuddles. It renewed in me again how much I want this baby, how much I already love this child, and how right it feels to have a baby in my arms to love.

So for now I press on, attempting to move through the fear of my past and focus on the hope that my current reality represents and the love I feel for this baby that I am destined to mother. Thank you to those who continue to feed my soul with the encouragement I need to not only confront my fears, but to embrace the faith that the destiny of this child is one filled with life and love. Thank you for carrying me when I’ve needed it and for helping me to believe when the fear is looming.

Movement & Ergo deal…

Overall I’ve been feeling pretty good this past week. I’m still anxious about these next couple of weeks, but am focusing more on the positive moments I’ve been experiencing during this pregnancy and the hope that everything will continue forward smoothly. I’ve been feeling a lot more movement from baby in the past week, which has been so comforting. I never really felt movement with Lily, which could have been because of the placement of my placenta during that pregnancy, but it’s something I’ll always wonder about. Needless to say, I’m thoroughly enjoying the reassuring movements of baby recently. I’ve also hit a bit of a wall in terms of energy these past few days and am feeling more exhausted. All things considered though, feeling incredibly thankful to be experiencing this pregnancy and bonding with this precious baby. Already so unbelievably in love!

It’s interesting, since we’ve chosen not to find out the sex of the baby people are starting to throw out their guesses in terms of what they believe the baby to be. So far a majority of people are guessing boy, but I had my first dream the other night about the baby after he/she is born and in my dream it was a girl. I’ve been feeling a bit more uncertain as to if I’ll be able to hold out on finding out the sex, especially since we’ll have so many ultrasounds in the third trimester. We’ll see; we may change our minds, but for now he/she remains a mystery!

So excited about my recent Ergo baby carrier purchase! I’d been eyeing these for some time and there was an awesome deal on Ergo carriers this weekend at The Foundary, so I was able to pick up the one I’ve been wanting and for a great deal! I saw a couple carrying their baby in an Ergo at Target while getting groceries a couple of weeks ago and am so looking forward to the day when we’re running errands or walking around the neighborhood with our little one tucked in the Ergo. The thought of it makes me smile:)

If you haven’t already, stop by Krissi’s blog to participate in a graduate study on the psychological and emotional affects of infertility. It’s a great way to help others understand how to better help those struggling with infertility and another way we can ensure our voices are heard!

Here I go, taking lots of deep breaths and thinking hopeful, centering thoughts through this next month.

Drama free & advocacy...

The OB appointment was blessedly uneventful today; definitely love those types of appointments! The baby’s heartbeat was measuring 147bpm. She also told us the PENTA screening results all came back normal so baby is looking perfectly healthy! I’ve been feeling more movement which is also exciting and something I didn’t feel at this stage with Lily, so that gives me more reassurance as well.

Next on our agenda we’ll have the heart echo appointment for the baby at the perinatologist’s office on April 25th, then our next appointment with the OB is scheduled for May 2nd! Hopefully we’ve got a nice boring drama free month ahead of us. Thank you all for the encouragement & being there for me in my moments of fear and doubt. I'm so incredibly thankful for the support you all provide & know this journey would be so much harder if I didn't have you all to walk beside me!

Good news in the advocacy arena as well. The pharmaceutical company that announced about a month ago they would be selling Makena at an absurdly greedy amount has announced that, due to the intense amount of pressure they received and the fact that the FDA will still allow pharmacies to compound the drug, they are now reducing the cost of the medication! This explains why I was able to fill my compounded prescription without incidence this past weekend. Here is a link to an article with the all the details. Thank you to all who wrote letters and advocated for this change to occur. It’s encouraging & inspiring to know that we can all still make a difference if we raise our voices loud enough!

Feeling the fear...

I’ve officially hit 20wks as of today, and I cannot help but wish these next couple of months would fly by so that I can breathe easier knowing the baby is well past viability and into a safer gestation if something were to go wrong. These past few days have been harder than I expected. As this pregnancy nears the time when we lost Lily, I’m feeling more anxious about something going wrong. We’ve been using our home doppler a bit more to help ease some of the anxiety, but it is absolutely terrifying to think about the possibility of experiencing another loss. Some days I just wish I could stay in bed and sleep through the next couple of months. I’m trying my best to keep moving forward, hoping that things will be different this time, but the fear is always there.

In more positive news, I picked up a refill of my weekly progesterone (P17) injections today at the pharmacy and they were still able to compound them for me, so it was just the usual $30 co-pay. Very relieved for that! I also made my first purchase for the baby while there…I saw this adorable little puppy and couldn’t resist. Trying to hold more to hope than fear I took the leap and bought it hoping our baby is able to enjoy it someday soon.

Next OB appointment is scheduled for Monday afternoon so hopefully that will bring more reassurance.

MFM Specialist & ultrasound...

We had an amazing ultrasound this morning before our appointment with the specialist. The tech used the words naughty, ornery, & squirrelly several times as the baby was definitely not cooperating with her. For a majority of the ultrasound baby was curled into a little ball, but moving around a lot! I think it’s a good thing we decided before hand we didn’t want to know the sex as I’m not sure she would have been able to tell! The baby’s heart beat was measuring at 136bmp and at this point in time everything appears normal.

Next we met with the specialist, who actually wasn’t the doctor we thought we’d be seeing but a different MFM specialist (perinatologist) that sometimes fills in for the doctor at this practice. Initially we thought that might not be a good thing, but we quickly realized we got lucky because this doctor was absolutely amazing! By the end of the visit we were totally loving her and wishing we got to see her more often! She was fascinated with our embryo adoption story and wanted to know how we were led in that direction. We shared our story with her and she was amazed, she thought our donor family was absolutely incredible for doing what they’ve done for us. We agreed, of course, and told her how awesome they are; needless to say, I think we were her first embryo donor family.

She definitely wants me to continue the weekly (P17) Progesterone injections and felt there was nothing out of the ordinary with the baby’s ultrasound. All the baby bits looked good and my cervix also looked healthy. She suggested a fetal heart echo sometime between week 22-24 of the pregnancy to rule out any heart defects or abnormalities (IVF babies are for some reason at slightly higher risk for these defects), so we’re scheduled for that on April 25^th. She wants to see me back again in 14wks which actually happens to land on Lily’s birthday June 27^th. This was a day we were already planning to take off from work so we decided to go ahead with scheduling the appointment that day. She also said that once I reach the 3^rd trimester, beginning at 28wks into the pregnancy, she wants my OB to do an ultrasound every 4wks. She said these are growth ultrasounds to ensure the baby is growing properly and everything is measuring as it should. She also felt it would be beneficial for the OB to do urine cultures every 1-2 months to check for any bladder/kidney infections. Otherwise, she said what happened with my last pregnancy was most likely a freak incident and there is no reason to believe it will happen again, but that all of the things she’s suggested are precautions to ensure that this pregnancy continues to progress smoothly.

After leaving the appointment with her I felt much more hopeful, and I’m starting to feel a bit excited that maybe we really will be taking home a healthy baby in August! We’ve decided it’s time to announce the pregnancy to everyone now, since no matter what happens at this point we would want everyone to know. So we’ll be taking a leap and sharing the news on fb later tonight! The Hope necklace (good luck charm) I received from the donor mother seems to be doing its job nicely.

A couple shots of our precious baby…

You all know how I love to give book recommendations, well for those of you out there who love to read and have struggled with infertility, I have a book you simply must check out! I started reading Swimming in Circles: A Baby Chase Odyssey by Michael Barr after Stirrup Queens mentioned it this past Friday, and ladies I’m completely devouring it! It’s a fantastically humorous yet touching story of he & his wife’s infertility journey…I cannot wait to find out what happens next, and I’m sure you will all be able to relate to their story in some way. So if you haven’t already, check it out. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, and you’ll silently nod your head in understanding. 

Happy ICLW for those participating…hope it’s a week filled with hope and reassurance for you as well!