Transfer complete....

We flew in late last night and our FET took place this afternoon. It went perfect; our RE was happy with my response to the new protocol and said our embryo looked beautiful & healthy. It struck me while we were in the procedure room, as I looked around at the five women each in the room playing their part in helping us to conceive, how amazing this whole process is and how grateful I am for each of them. These strong, compassionate, smart women who chose a profession in which they make such a profound impact on the lives of their patients. It was comforting to me in that procedure room to be surrounded by them and to watch as they transferred our embryo. Science is truly an amazing thing to witness in action!

Settled in at our hotel with a delicious decaf latte, a good book, and nothing but bed rest for 24 hours!

As for our little man, he is loving life on the farm with his grandparents and spending lots of great quality time with family. After combining with papa, he may never want to come home!

Let the 2ww commence...

Transfer date set and gratitude....

First off, to those of you who left such incredibly supportive & encouraging comments on my last post, thank you SO much! Each one meant so much to me in the midst of a challenging time, and I’m so thankful for all of you. It’s so wonderful to have others who understand.

I had my ultrasound and blood work this morning and it seems the changes in my protocol with this cycle have definitely worked! My RE had me begin increasing my estrace pill dosage earlier this cycle and also added a baby aspirin daily to the mix. My uterine lining this morning was not only trilaminar but also at a thickness of 8cm which is the thickest to date!! My estrogen level was also at 1409 thus resulting in the best numbers at this stage we’ve had this year! Maybe the third time this year will be the charm for us? We’re scheduled for transfer to occur Thursday September 26^th and will be flying out the day before. Ian’s going to spend some fun quality time with his grandparents at their farms in Iowa, so hopefully the travels will be a little less stressful. It’s always hard to be away from him for that long, but last transfer in July we did the same and found it was so much easier traveling and took one less stress out of the mix. Plus he had an awesome time with family!

Odd question for you all. I always thought it was an unspoken rule that you don’t bring children with you to the RE’s office if at all possible.  I’ve always ensured Nick is available when I have my appointments so I don’t take Ian with me to be sensitive to those in the waiting room who are struggling through treatments. The last three times I’ve gone to the local RE’s for monitoring appointments there have been both parents with toddlers in the waiting room. I know sometimes they may not have a choice, but I've never seen children at either of the other two REs offices that we've spent time at. Just curious what your experiences have been.

Excited for transfer next week and feeling cautious but hopeful. I’ll leave you with some inspiring words that met me in this moment & hope they touch you too. 

In the midst of the darkness…

It’s the middle of the night and all I want to do is sleep and yet the Lupron I’m currently taking is allowing me nothing of the sort. We’re in the midst of cycling and although I wasn’t planning to blog about it this time I find myself in that place where I need to write. As I lay in my bed thinking of how I feel as though I’m hanging on by a thread I’m reminded of this place and why I started blogging in the first place, the need to connect with others who understand pulls me back.

I tell myself it will all be worth it if this is the cycle that works and logically I know this to be true but in my sleep deprived insomnia I feel overwhelmed, exhausted, and old.

This is actually our third treatment cycle this year. We attempted a second FET back in July and although it seemed to go smoothly it ended in a negative pregnancy test. Definitely disappointing but at least easier for me to cope with then the chemical pregnancy result of the FET prior to that.  We had decided not to blog or tell anyone with the exception of a very small handful of people about that second FET, it was so hard after that chemical pregnancy and honestly we thought if the second transfer worked it would be fun for once to behave like a normal couple and share the joy of a surprise pregnancy announcement with everyone. Thought I was going to do the same this time around but as much as I think it would be great to share a surprise announcement with you all I need the encouragement and support much more right now.

These past few months have been a mixture of emotions. Life with our little man is filled with joy and frustration as any parent of a toddler will admit. The pregnancy announcements of friends and family have continued to roll in, second babies have been born, are being born and I continue to feel like we are again being passed by time and time again. Seeing the gentleness and care Ian displays with these new babies fills my heart with pride that is tinged with sadness at the question of whether he’ll ever have a sibling to share that same tenderness with.

I’m reminded of the saying by one of my favorite bloggers Glennon, “we can do hard things”. I keep repeating it to myself as I wonder how I’m going to get through the day tomorrow when I feel so incredibly tired and sleep seems nowhere in sight. My baseline ultrasound is scheduled for just a few hours from now; maybe I’ll be able to get a little sleep before the craziness of the day begins. I can do hard things, this too shall pass…it will all be worth it.