Saying goodbye...

As most of you know yesterday morning Nick, myself, & about 20 of our amazing family members gathered together and said goodbye to our beautiful Lillian Grace. While incredibly heart wrenching & difficult, it was also therapeutic for us both. We planned many aspects of her service, which was so important to us & our pastor did a wonderful job of officiating & helping us to pay tribute to the all too short life of Lily. Those of you who came & stood with us in our grief meant so much. It is a deeply sad occasion to attend the funeral of a child & to step into that sacred place, feeling & recognizing the depth of our loss is an indescribable gift that you all gave us.

I’d like to share a few of the things from her service. A gift that the hospital gave us which is now one of the things I hold dearest were the two small rings that were used in some of Lily’s photographs (specifically the pictures of her feet & hands). I now wear those precious rings around my neck, so that a small piece of her is always with me.

We chose the music that was played at her service & the lyrics for each song spoke so intimately to the grief & circumstances surrounding the service. The first, Smallest Wingless by Craig Cardiff, poignantly depicts a situation similar to our own; two of our close friends who are like family to us shared this song days after Lily’s death. The second, Held by Natalie Grant, is a song that I remembered from years ago which also talks of the loss of a child (and also has a lyric that mentions “lilies of the valley”). And lastly, Hope Now by Addison Road, is a song some of you may recall being mentioned in a previous post as one which brought me comfort & it only seemed fitting to end on this note.

The day after Lily’s passing, a dear friend shared with us a card that brought so much meaning to the grief we were feeling. We used the poem on the front of this card in the program for Lily’s service. It reads, “God has not promised skies always blue, flower-strewn pathways all our lives through; God has not promised sun without rain, joy without sorrow, peace without pain. But God has promised strength for the day, rest for the labor, light for the way, Grace for the trials, help from above, unfailing sympathy, undying love” ~ Annie Johnson Flint.

Both Nick & I spoke during a moment of sharing at the service. As most of you know, I love to read & I felt it was only appropriate that I read a book to Lily as part of the service. The book On the Night You Were Born by Nancy Tillman was one that I loved to read to her throughout my pregnancy, & the words to this book took on special meaning given the context of our loss. It meant so much to me to be able to do this as part of the service. Nick gave the most amazing & poignant message, speaking of the depths of this loss for us, his deep love for me, the love he now for the first time understands God has for each of us, & the sadness of never being able to rock our daughter to sleep, see her grow up, or walk her down the aisle on her wedding day. As you can imagine there was not a dry eye in the place!

We wrote our daughters obituary together earlier this week; it will run in tomorrow’s newspaper. I thought I would share it with you all since most of you are not in this area...

Lillian Grace Keunen was born on June 27, 2010, and the same day passed from this world into the arms of Jesus. Sweet and precious Lillian is the daughter of Nick & Rebecca Keunen of Wichita. Her grandparents are Harve & Lori Keunen of Alton, Iowa, and Orval & Jody Hinrichsen of Hinton, Iowa. A private family service was held at Chapel Hill United Methodist Church officiated by Pastor Jeff Gannon. A beautiful little girl who was the answer to so many prayers, the fragile spark of her tender soul has changed our hearts forever. You are loved and will be missed.

We have been overwhelmed with the incredible out powering of love & support we've felt from people in the community, our neighborhood, the church, friends, family & those in the blogosphere. So many of you who have crossed our paths in different ways throughout this tragedy have been used by God in ways you cannot imagine to touch us & bring comfort. In the depths of our intense sadness I feel such a renewed sense of faith in humanity.

My necklace with Lily's rings...puts into perspective how tiny she was...

Nick & I before the service, trying to look presentable before crying A LOT...

The main table at the funeral service...

Her precious tiny urn with a couple of her pictures at home with us, the text on the picture frame reads "Forever held close, in the love of the Lord, from this day on."