Reality bites...

We received our first fertilization report this morning & sadly it was far from what we had hoped. Of the 13 eggs that were retrieved yesterday 10 of them were mature. They proceeded with ICSI on all of these & unfortunately only 3 have successfully fertilized. Due to this low number they feel in all likelihood transfer will take place on Thursday. We’ll get another report tomorrow informing us of how many of them are still viable & also what their grade is. Since our options are limited & we now have such a small number of embryos to work with the IVF coordinator has already said they’re recommending placement of 2 embryos if we still have that many on Thursday. I’ve been so cautious in not being too optimistic during this whole process & was just starting to allow myself to really hope these past couple days, now I feel like I’ve been knocked back to reality…it sucks! In all likelihood we will now not have embryos left for freezing, which further drives home the point that this is our one shot at pregnancy & a biological child. We’re again feeling the realization that this whole process is so precarious & offers no guarantees. This has been a major disappointment to us & we’re feeling beyond sad that things aren’t working out as well as we had hoped. This is absolutely the most intense emotional rollercoaster of my life & I’m just praying for some positive news tomorrow & that we’re granted at least 2 healthy embryos.

As author Peggy Orenstein said, “Adversity is a random, arbitrary thing, though one can still glean meaning from it, use it’s crucible to become a better, more compassionate person.” I hope that through this process I’m able to do exactly that & find some meaning in this intense & unwanted path.