In the most recent RESOLVE e-newsletter that I received the day of our FET, the following quote stood out, “every piece of the universe, even the tiniest little snow crystal, matters somehow. I have a place in the pattern, and so do you” ~T.A. Baron. As we move slowly into the two week wait, I’m trying hard to rationalize in my mind that whatever will be, will be, and that as much as I like to think I have control I do not, that at this point success is up to nature and God to decide. I have been reminding myself frequently of the serenity prayer, accepting that I do not have the ability to direct the outcome of this cycle, and that either way the success or failure of this transfer is not just mine to own. The only thing I know I can control at this juncture is my mind, and I’m trying my best to hold to peace and cautious optimism through the rest of this waiting game.
We flew back home yesterday and are feeling incredibly thankful for the time we were able to spend with our donor family. We actually got to spend an entire day with them in NYC and had an amazing time bonding with them and getting to know each other more. It’s hard to believe we only found each other a few short months ago; it feels like we’ve been friends for much, much longer. I found myself thinking the day of transfer that although I will always be saddened Lily is no longer with us, it’s amazing to think that we may have the opportunity to parent a child that we would never have known otherwise. That if the donor mother would have never seen my blog and ran across our ad on Miracles Waiting we may never have known this family and, potentially, our future children. It’s really mind blowing to think about!
I’m constantly amazed at this unbelievable ALI (adoption/loss/infertility) community and the incredibly strong women that all share their difficult journeys with grace and inspiration and cheer each other on in the process. Thank you all so much for the support, love, and prayers you’ve sent our way this past week. You, my friends, are the most amazing support group I could ever hope to have.
29 comments:
I'll be thinking of you during these two weeks. The two week wait is never easy, but it is a special kind of craziness when you KNOW that there is an embryo in there struggling to become a baby!
Peace be with you, for sure!
By the way, if you come up with a good strategy for not losing you mind, let me know!
very mind blowing. wishing happy news awaits you at the end of the torturous 2ww. i despise the 2ww!! :( love you my amazing friend.
It most certainly is not coincidence! Prayers that you find peace in the waiting.
Seriously, YOU are an inspiration, Rebecca. I love so much about this post, my friend. Glad to hear you had a great trip and a safe journey home. Abiding this 2WW with you and sending lots of prayers your way...
I always find the the serenity prayer helps me center my mind when I start to worry about things out of my control too.
I'm praying that you have great news at the end of the two week wait. Your journey has been such an inspiration to me.
waiting with you on this mysterious journey!
I'll be thinking of you and praying for a wonderful outcome (and a quickly-passing two weeks!).
You have such a positive mind set! I need to learn from you. I feel eons away from your peaceful attitude, with my obsessive peeing on sticks and checking my boobs. Way to go !
Beautiful sentiments- hoping your TWW brings you you great news.
So glad you're (trying) to find peace. So much harder to do than say! :) And so, so glad you had that amazing time with your donor family.
I'm soooo here for you and wishing you peaceful days ahead!
I am praying for your family these 2 weeks.
Your story makes me believe in fate.
I, too, am amazed and humbled by this community ... and I love the peace quote. Trying to find peace in my heart, too, despite the chaos.
I am keeping you and hubby in earnest prayer. I too am grateful for the support of this community and am continually amazed at the outpour of support. The two week wait is tough and i will be holding you up in prayer.
Both of those quotes are so, so beautiful! I hope that embie is getting all snuggled in. Big hugs.
I've been thinking of you so much this week, and continue to send prayers your way.
Thinking of you and praying that only wonderful things come from this cycle. It sounds to me like you have already been remarkably successful in attaining a sense of inner peace during the wait. That is wonderful that you got to spend that time bonding with your donor family - it sounds like it was really great!
I love it.
I am glad that all went well and that you were blessed to spend even more time with your donor family in NYC! I love the quote you posted, so true. You are such a strong and graceful woman...I know Lily is so proud to call you her mommy. KMFX for you in the 2ww!! xo
You are "my" cheerleader! I am praying that this 2ww goes quickly by and that your test brings great joy to you both. I am glad you had extra time with your donor family. What a blessing in itself. Your sweet Lily has an incredible mommy with a giant heart full of love & though I have lost 6 babies to m/c, I do not know the pain in one's heart that is present when you hold your child before she is quickly taken to heaven. I do know that knowing you, Heather, and others who have walk that path have blessed my life tremendously. You have even humbled me at times : ) I am honored to know Lily's momma. : ) Have a wonderful day and I look forward to being here for you whatever that test result brings you! (((HUGS)))
What a beautiful message. I am sending my prayers and well wishes your way. Your journey to this point has been filled with so many difficult as well as joyous moments. I love the picture of peace that you posted. Getting to that place seems impossible at times. You are such a strong and loving woman. I am hoping for the absolute best for you and your family. Hugs and love!
Beautiful post! I am so happy to hear that everything went smoothly, and you are patiently waiting on the 2ww. I pray nothing but wonderful things for you! Rest and take it easy :)
Rebecca, those quotes are very fitting, and you really do sound like there is calm in your heart. You're right about how much is beyond our control. This is difficult. But we can choose to fight against that in a way that just has us swimming against the tide, or we can let it carry us along.
I'm hoping for you so hard. Not long to wait now. Everything is crossed for you.
I am hoping for you so hard as well. I will be praying
How wonderful to be able to know your generous donors. They could possibly become related to you.
I am doing a cycle with an egg donor right now and keep mulling over the intense intimacy of possibly bearing her bio-child, yet I have never met her. I don't like the disconnection. I know some people prefer it, but not me.
I am an adoptee, and I went through a lot, wondering my entire growing up years about my biological connections. It was a good thing when I was finally able to meet them, they are very important people in my life.
I am hoping and praying for you this cycle.
Another beautiful post! I've been thinking of you and praying for good news. I hope you've been able to find peace during the 2ww. Sending big hugs....
Rebecca, I hope you can continue to be at peace and have a calmness in your heart as you continue in your 2ww. That is so wonderful that you have a good connection and have been able to bond with the donor family. Hang in there.
I hope for serenity for you, but also for joy! Keeping fingers (and all other appendages) crossed, my friend!
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