Five months Lily, I hope that I live each day without you with purpose, knowing that none of us are guaranteed anything in this life and that each day is a gift, each hope a treasure, and accepting the grief with the joy.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Defining moments…
It’s hard to believe that 5 months have passed since Lily was with us. What a surreal life this is at times. I feel such a mixture of emotions as we move further away from her, further from the dreams we had for her, and into the new hopes that now make up our life. There are moments when these past few months seem like they’ve passed by so quickly, and then times when I look back and feel I’ve lived several years in the course of only a few months. As we move through this world there are so many experiences that make us who we are, shape our character, and ultimately the course of our lives. Carrying & losing a child, loving & grieving for a child were never things I expected to experience in this life, yet they are now such an fundamental part of myself it’s hard to imagine a different world. Creating an incredible bond with a family many miles away that has given us hope and the opportunity for a new life through the donation of their embryos is definitely not an experience that I could have imagined, but one that is now also an elemental part of myself and another I can’t imagine living without. And now was we embark on the next step in our journey, preparing for our first donor embryo FET Thursday, I know we are about to experience another defining moment.
Five months Lily, I hope that I live each day without you with purpose, knowing that none of us are guaranteed anything in this life and that each day is a gift, each hope a treasure, and accepting the grief with the joy.
Five months Lily, I hope that I live each day without you with purpose, knowing that none of us are guaranteed anything in this life and that each day is a gift, each hope a treasure, and accepting the grief with the joy.
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28 comments:
What a beautiful post. It moved me to tears, especially that quote at the end. It's true that we never know what life will throw our way, and it's hard to look past our assumptions of what we'll have at the truth that we can never know what the future has in store. That uncertainty is very hard for us to embrace and sometimes just facing that every day is a quiet mark of courage. While I know losing her was unbelievably painful, I'm glad you have your beautiful daughter to walk through life with, reminding you of all that you have. That is a very precious blessing indeed.
I'm so excited for you in the next chapter of your life. And I'm sure Lillian Grace is too.
This post has me crying! What a heartfelt and beautiful post! Good luck as you move forward. I know Lily will be with you always!!
xoxoxo
~Michelle
I'll be praying for you that the FET is succesful...I know you didn't picture your life being this way (but, what blm does? This sucks!) and I'm happy that you have this new hope in your horizon xoxo
I loved the quote...so perfect!
Such a beautiful post! It really spoke to me as the 6 month mark just passed since I lost Evan. I'm so excited for you and pray that everything falls perfectly into place!
These are such wise words, Rebecca. Yours and M. A. Radmacher's. You're right. There are no guarantees. All we can do is put one foot in front of the next. And nurture our hopes. And I have a lot of hope for you for this FET.
I can completely relate to the concept of feeling like time is zipping by while also feeling as though much more time has passed than really has. Thinking of you at this 5 month mark. (((hugs)))
Thank you for your beautiful post. I also love the quote at the end. Best of luck and thinking of you as you take the next steps and move closer to your upcoming FET.
beautifully said. holding you even closer to my heart these next couple of weeks.
that is a beautiful quote and post.
will be thinking of you on thurs
Thank you for your support on my blog the past few days. I will be watching your donor embryo cycle with great interest and hope. Your quote today is truly beautiful. Thinking of you...
Just want to send you some love.
This is such a beautiful post, my friend, and such a fitting quote ... I am thinking of you and Lily, and sending all of my positive energy on Thursday for a successful transfer.
Thank you for stopping by my blog again. I will be avidly reading yours and sending you good vibes on Thursday. If I had some baby dust, I would blow it your way, but we both know I am terribly short on that particular item :).
Love love love the quote. It defines us so well. We are strong chicks.
Good luck this week, Rebecca! What a beautiful quote.
I can't believe it has been 5 months. And what an amazing place you are in now. HUGS.
Love it. Thanks.
Beautiful quote and post, as always. It is so hard to believe 5 months have past since we said good-bye to our daughters. It is so true that these are experiences that we could have never fathomed but now are such a part of our new normal that it is hard to imagine a different life. How I wish none of us had to walk this journey at all, though.
Thinking of you & Lily always and especially this week for your upcoming FET. Sending lots of love, strength and grace your way dear friend.
Thinking of you as the hours and days lead up to Thursday. Hope the traveling is smooth, and you get some good down time, as well as time with the donor family too. Remembering Lily amidst the holidays, and sending love.
I've often had a thought doing the times when I feel so far away from someone I've lost (although nothing to the degree you've been through). When I start to feel that they are getting farther away with each day that passes, I like to try to envision that I'm actually getting CLOSER to seeing them again as each day passes. It seems to help a little.
You've been such a trouper and I wish nothing but the best for you this week. I know everyone out there in blogger world will be sending you positive thoughts.
Came back to read it again today.
It's amazing what can happen in such a short amount of time. I love the quote, it is so very true.
I am praying that everything goes well this Thursday. Keeping you close in my thoughts and heart. You are an amazing person, Love you!
We are thinking and praying for you this Thursday.
Lovely, lovely post. We have twins from our donor embryo transfer back in December of 2008. Our beautiful son and daughter are 15 months old and the lights of our lives. It only took us 10 years, but every single second was worth it for what we have now.
Best of luck with your transfer!
Good luck tomorrow! don't fill up the bladder too much, they don't need much to see, in fact too much can be bad. only six glasses of water or whatever they tell you.
Just a quick note to let you know that I'll be thinking of you today. I know that everything will go smoothly. Good luck!
OH Rebecca, my eyes are filled with tears by your last lines, by what you wrote to your precious daughter. There are no guarantees in this life, just opportunities to love. And clearly, you take hold of each of those opportunities.
You have been on my mind ALL week. I kept wondering if the FET was today (Thursday) and meaning to check your blog to know if I have my information straight. I did. It's today!!!! Oh my! I hold this possibility with so much hope. May you and your husband and the donor family be blessed with a child. And may there come a spring when, holding this child in your arm, you go over to Lily's tree and admire its beautiful blooms.
Sending you much love, dear woman.
Welcome home little embryo!
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