LFCA, Faces writing challenge, and posts to check out….

To those of you stopping by for ICLW, welcome! And those of you who are wondering “what the heck is ICLW,” here is a quick run down. ICLW stands for International Comment Leaving Week, but if you say it aloud, doesn’t it sounds like “I come; [but] leave [as a] we”? And that’s sort of the point. Blogging is a conversation, and comments should be honored and encouraged. So by all means join the conversation!

Currently in our IF treatment world: Our first donor embryo FET is just around the corner. I have my next ultrasound and blood work appointment Wednesday to determine if we’re still on track for a December 2nd transfer. Continuing with the nightly Lupron injections and as of today I’m up to taking Estrace pills 3x’s a day. By the end of the week, we’ll know any updates to our medication protocol, when the Progesterone injections will begin, and hopefully be able to purchase our plane tickets for the transfer date.

I’ve had the intention of doing the monthly Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope writing challenge for a while now, the topic for November is “It’s easy to focus on all the negative things that come from losing a baby, but have you discovered any ‘blessings in disguise’ throughout your journey? What can you find to be thankful for related to your loss?” I must preface this by saying, as I’m sure most BLM’s would, that I would take back all of these little things in a minute to have my daughter here with me and to never have known of this expansive world of loss that exists.  To be perfectly honest, as Thanksgiving approaches and everyone begins to talk about what they are thankful for, my first thought goes to how thankful I am that this year is almost over. I cannot imagine living through another year as awful as this past one has been.  Initially, I would say I’m thankful for the perspective I now have about what is really important in life, and although it’s a bit jaded, it’s also a bit clearer. The people that have carried us are another thing I’m thankful for, our families and friends, the connections I’ve made since this loss through those in blogland and in real life, our donor family, which have shown us such incredible support and kindness. All of those people are what continue to give me hope for this world, hope that the goodness will overpower the darkness. Hope to continue moving forward, and that although I’ve come to accept I’ll always feel a bit broken and damaged, that good things await me in the future. Lastly, I’m thankful I’m able to continue seeing glimpses of hope in it all; it is the thing that continues to propel us all forward.

I also wanted to share a couple of blog posts that really hit home with me this week. The first was a post in which Roccie discussed the advice given to her by her acupuncturist about that not taking credit for failures. It spoke volumes to me as well; I think we all need to be reminded from time to time that both our successes and failures are not completely ours to own.

Secondly, Demeter’s Feet had a wonderful post about transformative events in life and how it is hard for others to see that losing our children has forever changed us, as well as the expectations others have for grief in this country.

Third, you must check out Keikos post about The Infertility Manifesto....it will leave you moved to tears, inspired, and reminded that you are not alone.