Full term....

I've officially reached the point in this pregnancy that is more then I could have hoped for! As of today I'm 36 1/2 weeks pregnant, on Saturday I'll hit the 37wk milestone. I had my last progesterone injection this weekend and got to turn in my sharps container at my OB appointment yesterday. I had my first weekly appointment with the OB yesterday...eek so excited to be at weekly appointments! The mind blowing thing is that everything is continuing to look great, my blood pressure is remaining low, I've had no swelling, baby girl's heart rate is great and she's as active as ever! On the down side I'm definitely sleeping a lot less this past week and feeling a whole lot more uncomfortable so thankfully I'm experiencing some of the symptoms of full term pregnancy essentially:) My OB checked my cervix during yesterdays appointment and I'm dilated to 1 cm, not a lot but hey it's something so I'll take it! Because of the Holiday weekend  I won't see her again until the 30th unless something happens before then. I had some very brief contractions last week but once I laid down they stopped after about thirty minutes so no reasons for hospital trips yet. We went ahead and scheduled a repeat c-section for Monday June 9th but are still planning to attempt a vbac if I go into labor on my own before the 9th. Otherwise we've got our hospital bags packed and ready, and are anxiously waiting to meet our little girl!!!!

34 week ultrasound....

I met with my OB yesterday for my 34 week appointment and monthly growth ultrasound. Baby girl is looking fabulous and weighing in at 5lbs even already, which we're thrilled about! Also we were surprised to hear the tech say that she has a lot of hair since this was not at all the case for her big brother. My blood pressure is remaining very low and I've experienced no swelling so things are looking great. All of us are thrilled I've made it to this milestone!

We talked a lot about VBAC vs repeat c-section and as any of you know facing this decision there are multiple variables that play into which route we'll end up going. For now we've decided that if I go into labor naturally we'll attempt a VBAC, baby will be monitored the entire time and if everything goes smoothly hopefully this can happen. It will make recovery and taking care of two little ones a lot easier. If though I make it to 39 weeks and have not gone into labor on my own both us and the OB agreed we don't want to induce and then try for VBAC so in that situation we'd schedule a c-section. So time will tell. It was a bit overwhelming to me discussing the risks with the OB. I'm hopeful when the time comes it will be more obvious which route we should go and thankfully I have an OB in my corner that I trust fully.

I'll be going back to the OB in two weeks for a regular check and then will have weekly appointments from there on...crazy to think I'm almost to that point!! My mind is still having a hard time grasping that we've made it this far and that she'll be here possibly in the next month! We've officially decided on her name, Brielle Grace and have started putting the nursery together.

33 week milestone, pictures and baby shower....

Lots of catching up to do with this post! I'm officially the most pregnant I've ever been which is so exciting as of today I'm 33 weeks 2 days!!! Saw my OB last week and everything continues to be progressing normally. I'll be going back in a week for my next growth ultrasound and regular check up.

Two of my amazing friends blew me away this past weekend with the most fabulous baby shower. It was such an incredible morning surrounded by friends and family and adorable baby stuff and most of all love, it was fantastic!  Just a few snapshots of the day...

And as I mentioned before one of my friends gave us maternity and family pictures as a gift and I received the CD with all those pictures at the baby shower. Here are just a few of those as well. Needless to say I'm feeling seriously in awe of the amazing people we have in our lives and all the love and generosity we've been show. Counting every day as a gift but continuing to hope to reach the 37 week milestone!

30 weeks....

Had my monthly growth ultrasound on Monday and baby girl is measuring great at 3lbs 3oz. My blood pressure is staying nice and low and I'm not experiencing any of the swelling I had with Ian's pregnancy so thankfully things are progressing drama free! I've started having more trouble sleeping this past couple of weeks, but other then the fatigue and lack of sleep which lets face it are pretty normal at this stage anyway I'm doing well.

We've officially had Ian potty trained for a little while now and he's doing great with that. We're planning to transition him into a full size bed and his new toddler room this weekend, so hoping that goes smoothly!

A very dear friend who is a photographer offered to do maternity pictures for me as my baby shower gift so we did that on Sunday and I'm excited to see how they turned out. Looking forward to the baby shower on the 26th and enjoying an awesome day with family & friends! Otherwise continuing to hope for full term & celebrating every week we're given!

Only a few days away from officially being the most pregnant I've ever been...SO excited to pass this milestone!!!

29 weeks...

I’ve been terrible about keeping up the blog as of late but I’ve felt a drastic slow in my energy levels this past couple of weeks. I had a regular OB appointment on Monday and did my glucose screening. As her nurse told me I passed with flying colors, they like to see below 140 and my blood work came back at 80! She jokingly told me to go eat a candy bar, so thankfully everything’s continuing to progress smoothly. Otherwise nothing really to report, I’m measuring right on track and baby girl continues to be reassuringly active. I’ll be going back to the OB for my next monthly growth ultrasound in a little over a week.

I’ve been feeling really positive about how well this pregnancy has been progressing but occasionally start to worry since we’re quickly approaching the time when Ian was born. Really, really hoping we get to full term this time. I know I sound like a broken record but it’s on my mind a lot! Some of my very dear friends here have decided to throw a baby shower for me at the end of April so I’m really excited about that. It will be the day I am officially 32wks pregnant which will be the most pregnant I’ve ever been so a huge milestone and really fun day to look forward to!

One thing I’m planning to talk with my OB about further at my next appointment is VBAC vs c-section. I honestly hadn’t really let myself think about it at all until this last appointment. I’m a bit torn when it comes to these options. Honestly I never wanted a c-section but the fact of the matter is that it was necessary for Ian’s delivery and ultimately it really wasn’t as bad as I expected in terms of recovery. Ultimately I do trust my doctor and know that so much of delivery is out of my control but if possible it’s definitely an option I want to consider so we’ll see.

Snapshots of baby girl...

I had a monthly growth ultrasound this past Monday and baby girl continues to look great and be her active little self! She was measuring in the 40^th percentile, weighing in around 1lb 14oz and my fundal height was right on target . I’ll go back next week for the first glucose screening and a routine OB appointment and then in three more weeks for the next monthly growth ultrasound. 

A few lovely snapshots from the appointment…

Really excited that this coming Saturday I’ll hit 28wks and officially enter the third trimester!!

Open letter from our donor mother....

There is so much I never expected in this life. To experience infertility. To lose a child. To be chosen by a donor family that initially were strangers and are now considered family. Although it has become something that is a part of our story, I know it is such a rarity, especially when you factor in what we share in our relationship. From the first connections we shared they have set us at ease and have been a constant support and encouragement in our lives. I always cherish the emails shared with them, but this week our donor mother sent me one of the most beautiful letters, and with her blessing I’m sharing it below. Be prepared, it’s likely you won’t get through reading it without tears; I certainly didn’t!

Rebecca - please know that not for one second since this process began have I regretted our decision. You are - and were always meant to be - the mother of these babies. I will never be able to adequately express what an immense blessing you are in my life.

I am 41 1/2 years old. Sometimes I have to say it out loud for it to seem real, but alas it is true. Some days I feel ancient, and other days I feel like my life is just beginning. It does seem like the older I get, the faster time is passing me by. It seems like just yesterday I was 23 years old, married, with three little girls under the age of five. As it is, I am still married (although to a different, incredibly amazing man), now with FIVE children ranging in age from (almost) 22 to 4. GOOD GRIEF. 

The one prevailing theme that has seemed to govern my entire life is this - everything happens for a reason. I shouldn't have been pregnant at the age of 18! I had big plans for my life! But when I imagine a world without my Brittany, well, it's just not a world I'm interested in living in. Everything happens for a reason. I certainly wasn't supposed to be pregnant with baby #2 when baby #1 was less than a year old! Now I look at my Ashlie, an honor student at the University of Pittsburgh, and can't find words to express my pride. Everything happens for a reason. THREE babies? While still under the age of 25? Oh, but you haven't met my Andie. A drama queen and princess through and through. About to graduate high school, cheerleading captain four years running. Everything happens for a reason. Fast forward to the age of 30. Single mom. Unplanned pregnancy. It can't be! Didn't I learn my lesson? Then I looked into the beautiful blue eyes of my Nathan. My little sonshine. The light of my life. Everything happens for a reason.

Four beautiful babies. Relatively no complications. Tubes tied. I am grateful.

Fast forward again. I finally meet my soul mate, the love of my life, at the tender age of 34. Everything happens for a reason. I pledge my eternal love, but tell him babies are not meant to be. Having no children of his own, however, we decide to explore IVF. Everything happens for a reason. Almost two years later, we are the proud parents of a perfect baby girl. Miss Ava. Our little princess. Indeed, everything happens for a reason.

The day the letter arrived. It will go down as one of the most momentous days of my life. What to do with our remaining 6 embryos. Very little consideration is needed. They need a home. They need a chance at life. They need a family.

Everything happens for a reason.

We were given avenues to explore. Options to research. There is not so much as a single doubt in my mind that this was a time of divine intervention. God led me to Miracles Waiting. And God led me to the parents of these children.

Everything happens for a reason.

My life is an incredibly full one. I am blessed with an amazing family, an unbelievable network of friends, a wonderful career, a loving husband, and the five greatest blessings I could have ever imagined. To deny another couple the same chance at parenthood was not something I could fathom. To deny (what I still considered at that time) MY babies a chance at life was not something I could or would accept.

Upon learning that transfer #1 was a success, I felt a range of emotions. Everything from excitement to fear to anticipation. But not one of those was regret. I prayed that God would see me through and trust his plan. Upon learning it was a boy, I felt sadness. Sadness for my husband who would never know the joy of raising his own son. And just for a moment, sadness for my Ava. That she would grow up not feeling the pride of being an older sibling. Indeed, for many years to come, not even know she had a full biological sibling to speak of at all. 

As pictures started to come in, I started analyzing every little detail. And while there were certainly similarities to be observed, I silently praised God that the differences between Ian and Ava were just enough that I didn't initially feel that "pull" that I feared. That I didn't see so strong a resemblance that it caused my heart to hurt. Sure enough, however, as time goes by, the resemblances start to become more prevalent. Sometimes in unexpected ways.

I look at Ian's mop of blonde hair, and see my younger brother at that age. In some photos, the resemblance is uncanny. Ian's uncle. But not really. I see pictures of Ian running around with bare legs, and can think only of what I refer to as my husband's "chicken legs." Ian's daddy. But not really. I see Ian's big blue eyes and see Nathan. Ian's brother. But not really. And finally, I see the shape of his sweet face, his smile. And I see Ava. His big sister. But not really.  This is a process. I'm still learning.

And now, baby girl arriving this summer. Sweet, precious baby girl. I wonder every day what she might look like. How strongly she might resemble Ava. Her big sister. Only not really. This is a process. I'm still learning.

In my heart, and in my soul, Nick and Rebecca are the parents of these children. I know it, I accept it, and I will be eternally grateful for it. But do I wonder? Yes. Have I imagined another life? Yes. 

But....everything happens for a reason.

The beautiful reality is this. I still get to watch them grow. See them blossom. Celebrate their accomplishments from afar. And love them with every fiber of my being. And oh - how very, very much I love those babies.

As someone who views themselves first as a mother, above all else, I will share the dream that gets me through the difficult moments. The moments when I mourn the fact that I did not carry these babies. That I was not present in their lives each and every day. That I did not get to smell their sweet smell and whisper I love you's in their ear.

I imagine a day - years and years from now - when my babies are grown. When I am bouncing grandbabies on my knees and thanking God for giving me such a rich and full life. A day when I look around and am surrounded not only by the babies I gave birth to and had the joy of raising. But surrounded too by the babies who were conceived by me out of love, and raised selflessly by the people who pledged to be their parents. 

I know in my heart that that day will come. And as I look around, I imagine I will be thanking God...that everything happens for a reason.