National Infertility Awareness Week & Project IF…

National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW) is April 24th – May 1st & in an attempt to raise more awareness resolve.org & stirrup-queens.com have kicked off the second portion of Project IF.

What if I didn’t live in a time & place where advanced reproductive technology (ART) was an option? 

My mind has often drifted to this throughout struggling with IF. While at times I feel it is terribly unfair that IVF is our only option for having biological children, on the opposite side of that feeling I sense an unbelievable gratitude to live at a point in time where this is even an option. Not only that, but with the costs associated with IVF it is even a feasible option for us to pursue. Throughout the IVF treatment process I have been in awe of the science that exists & has come into practice only very recently, in my own lifetime, to make my pregnancy possible. I am so unspeakable thankful to the doctors in this field who have pushed not only the bounds of science, but the limits that were previously set in our society, so that my husband & I may have this opportunity to become parents.

Even prior to struggling with infertility I have often said that I felt incredibly blessed to be living as woman in this day in age in a part of the world where almost anything is at my fingertips. No matter what difficulties I may endure throughout my life I live in a time & place where I and no one else decides how I will cope with challenges that may arise & most importantly how my body will respond to these choices & decisions. I think as women in the industrialized world we often take this reality of ours for granted, that we are given choices & options.

While I feel grateful that ART science exists it does not take away the bitterness & anger I sometimes feel because this is the only way for us to conceive children. It seems unfair when so many who abuse & neglect their children are able to so easily conceive. But what if this stark realization of our limitations allows me to cherish what I am given and not what I’m limited by? To realize the miraculous in each moment of this pregnancy & my child’s life. To be a more patient mother who knows all too well that my child so easily might not have been if it weren’t for the grace of God & the advancements of science. To treasure every moment as a parent knowing not all who journey this path of infertility are given such a blessing.

For more on infertility check out Resolves Infertility 101
For more on National Infertility Awareness Week check out Resolves Taking Charge campaign
And an emotional list of what-if questions from part 1 of Project IF

I also want to give a shout out to a Project IF post written by Heather at Our Incredible Journey. It is such an incredibly touching post, I urge you all to check it out & I can guarantee you it will most assuredly stir your heart.

Lastly, one of my closest friends (in real life) has started her own IF blog & I'd love for you to all go visit her & give her the love & support I felt when I first joined this fantastic IF blogosphere. She is one of my oldest & closest friends, we met in high school & have stayed in contact through the years & miles that have tried to separate us. Who knew we'd both one day be struggling with infertility & even though we did so many other things right in our lives both be in this position of fighting to have a child. After 9 failed IUI's she is gearing up for her first IVF so as all of you ladies who have been down that road know she can use all the support she can get. So check out the wonderful & at times a bit wacky Melissa at Raising Cain (someday).

Happy ICLW, dopplers, maternity shopping, & baby bumps...

Welcome ICLW ladies! For those of you are unfamiliar with ICLW, here is a little background…today begins the monthly commenting week where ladies in the IF blogosphere visit each other’s blogs to bring support, encouragement, & maybe even make some new friends in the process. This is all organized through the infertility blogosphere guru herself StirrUp Queens, for more info on how to get involved next month if you’ve never participated & for the list of participating bloggers see the link below…
http://www.stirrup-queens.com/2010/03/icomleavwe-april-2010/

So here is the short story on me for those of you how are new to my blog. My amazing husband & I have been married for 7 years this May!!! We’ve been TTC for about two years…we went through our first round of IVF/ICSI in January of this year & I am now in my 13th week of pregnancy!

Thank you to all of the wonderful ladies who commented on my last blog post, helping to relieve some of my anxiety & help me feel like my crazy neurotic side was relatively normal given the circumstances of our journey. So after learning that fetal heart monitors are so reasonably priced these days I did make the decision to order one last Friday!!! It’s en route to my place & I cannot wait for it to arrive…hopefully by this weekend, fingers crossed it will be here! This is the model I decided to go with…I’ll definitely post a review once I receive it & am able to try it out a couple times. I think it will be well worth my piece of mind.

In other pregnancy related fun, my parents came into town to visit this past weekend & mom and I ventured out for some maternity clothes shopping. The main thing I learned from all of this…maternity pants rock! They are so freaking comfortable!!! I was able to find a couple pairs of dress pants for work at Motherhood Maternity that are incredibly comfortable. During our shopping excursion I was extremely bummed out to find our Gap maternity section closed recently so I ordered a pair of jeans from them on line over the weekend…excitedly anticipating their arrival too. The other thing I learned…wow my boobs have grown a lot already, I went from a 36C to my new maternity bra size of 36E…never in my life thought I would be in that size category!

Next on tap, a good friend of mine who has been on this journey of IVF & pregnancy with me since the beginning e-mailed me tonight about this prenatal education system she recently purchased…just wondering if any of you have used this or are familiar with it. According to what she has heard & I’ve read through researching it helps your baby to be more self soothing, less irritable, more responsive, & meet developmental milestones earlier. It has definitely peeked my interest & I’m planning to do a bit more looking into it, but it quite possibly could be one of my next baby purchases.

Lastly, took some pictures this weekend so you can see me rocking my little baby bump. Although I didn’t realize until after the fact black makes it harder to see…next time I’ll wear a different color…but there is no denying my belly officially has a bump & is no longer flat…

Happy commenting ladies, welcome to my blog & have a wonderful ICLW week:) 

Hope Now?

So my neurotic side has been coming out lately, I always thought once I reached the 12wk mark that would be it, I could announce to everyone that I’m pregnant with the confidence of knowing nothing tragic was going to happen & I could just go on with my happy pregnant self. Well now that 12wks has come I’m realizing it’s not the case & if anything I’m more worried now than before & I don’t feel quite ready to announce it to the world (i.e. facebook world). Recently some fellow bloggers have tragically lost their babies, which has left me feeling terribly saddened for them & to be honest completely unnerved with the reality that I’m not out of the woods yet. The worry is creeping in & I hate that OB appointments are only every month right now because I really need the reassurance of hearing my baby’s heartbeat. So I’ve decided that next week I’m going to call the OB & request to come in for a quick Doppler check just for the reassurance that baby is indeed okay. There is absolutely no way I can wait until May 6th at this point. I’m feeling fine & haven’t had any problems recently to cause this concern, it’s just there. If anything I’ve been feeling great as of late, more like myself than I have since this whole IVF process started, which on one hand is wonderful & on the other makes me worry that maybe something is wrong. Ugh, the anxiety never completely goes away does it? Although our close friends & family all know about the pregnancy at this point I’m just not ready to announce in fb land. I have an old acquaintance that recently announced her pregnancy on fb at only 5wks & now constantly talks about it. I can’t help but feel a little jealous at her innocence & confidence in nothing going wrong. I too want to share my happiness & excitement but the risk of what could happen still scares me too much to do so.

Hope becomes such an integral part of the IF journey, we try to protect ourselves against the worst possible scenarios while still balancing the hope that what we so desire could really happen. And whether you’re spiritual or not there is a strong component of faith that occurs during the IF journey as well. Faith in the doctors, the science, ourselves to persevere & for some faith in a Higher Power. I heard this song on the radio this afternoon (Hope Now by Addison Road) & thought some of the lyrics were so fitting in regards to this complex balance of hope & faith that get us through the emotional ups & downs of not only infertility treatments, but the challenging times in life. In particular the following words stood out to me, “Everything rides on hope now, everything rides on faith somehow.” I’m sure that many of you can relate to those words, when you know you have no more control over the outcome of the situation & you just have to wait holding onto hope.

Welcome week 12 & Happy Blog Award...

Today marks the beginning of week #12 in this pregnancy & I am so immensely thankful to be celebrating this moment. Thank you God for your amazing grace & the advances of science for allowing us to be in the here & now taking in the joy of another milestone on this journey.

I was given the honor of the Happy Blog Award by My Infertility Woes, who I’m blessed to know, she is both a supportive friend & inspiring blogger!
So here are the rules: List 10 things that make your day & then give this award to 10 bloggers.

Ten Things that Make My Day:
1) My amazing husband & the strength our relationship has experienced while struggling with infertility
2) The support system of bloggers that have made this experience feel not so isolating & have rallied round each other in times of need
3) My friends & family who have prayed & hoped with us on this crazy journey
4) My two dogs who remind me of what unconditional love & loyalty are
5) The beautiful spring weather, it makes me feel renewed & happy
6) A good book & a relaxing afternoon to enjoy it
7) A big cup of hot tea & a glass of red wine, both of which I’ve learned to go without during infertility treatment & now pregnancy, surprisingly I don’t miss them as much as I thought I would, but someday I’ll happily welcome them back
8) An evening walk with my dogs & husband enjoying the beauty of nature that surrounds us
9) A good talk with a close friend always makes me happy
10) Today marks my 12th week of pregnancy!!!

The 10 bloggers that I’d like to pass this award on to…
1) Jana at Find Joy Now has been such an incredible support system throughout this journey. Her strong faith & commitment to find joy even when it seems difficult continues to inspire me.
2) Adele at Delinquent Eggs always seems to leave the most thoughtful & insightful comments that make me smile, not to mention she’s an incredible writer.
3) Three is a Magic Number is a wonderful writer who has been an incredible support throughout our journey; she is now undergoing an IVF cycle & can use lots of support & encouragement.
4) Jade at Putting the Fun in Infertility is a witty writer who has shared an incredible story of survival & strength with her husband; they’re in the process of their first IVF cycle.
5) Chantelle at One Who Understands has been so supportive & can use lots of encouragement right now, she’s beginning their first FET cycle after a cancelled IVF due to OHSS last month.
6) Rebekah at Heart Cries is an incredible writer whose posts often bring me to tears; her strong faith & love for her adopted son & his biological family are beautiful. God is truly using her strength & faith to inspire others!
7) Emily at A Hope & a Wish For a Gift in a Petri Dish has been following my blog since about the beginning, she’s always there to offer a supportive, kind word & I’ve enjoyed following her journey as well. She is celebrating her 14th wk of pregnancy with twins!
8) Holly from Ready to Be a Mom, she is a blogger that I just started following recently. She always leaves lovely comments & she could use a lot of support right now so please send her some love.
9) Justine at A Half Baked Life; we started following each others blogs rather recently & she’s been so incredibly kind…plus she’s always baking up something super yummy & delicious, check out her blog for some awesome recipes & inspiration!
10) Wishing4One, we’ve been following each other’s journeys for awhile now & we went through the emotional rollercoaster of IVF on almost the same schedule, she is now celebrating week 11 of her pregnancy with twins!

Infertility awareness project...

So this past week to kick off a campaign to raise awareness regarding infertility & to set the stage for National Infertility Awareness week (April 24th-May 1st) RESOLVE & Stirr-up Queens announced Project IF. All bloggers who would like to participate are invited to visit Stirr-up Queens & answer the question “What if” as it relates to their own experience with infertility or the experience of a friend/family member. You can leave your comment until April 16th at which time they’ll choose 10 bloggers to move onto the next stage of this contest. The winner will be honored with the Hope Award for the best blog of 2010 at Resolves Night of Hope ceremony.

I encourage you even if you haven’t experienced IF yourself to check out the responses that have been left…it gives you a powerful glimpse into the emotional aspects those struggling with IF experience. And for those of you who have dealt with IF it helps us to see how alike we are in spite of the different diseases or road blocks that have put us on this journey. So spread the word & if you feel inclined participate by leaving your “what if”.

I’m excited that this awareness project has already seen so much participation & for the visibility that will be given to infertility during National Infertility Awareness Week. I’ve been encouraged by more celebrities coming forward recently to talk openly about their IF experiences (Celine Dion & Giuliana Rancic). I think the more the general public is educated & exposed to infertility issues the more understanding & support will be available for those struggling with IF. After all, infertility affects 1 in 8 couples these days, it is a disease which they are unable to control, so chances are you or someone you know is struggling & they can use all the support they can get. They’ll always be those people who don’t understand IF or who are opposed to infertility treatments, but in all likelihood that’s because they or someone close to them has never gone through that type of pain. As Robert Brown said, “Man is always inclined to be intolerant towards the thing, or person, he hasn’t taken the time adequately to understand”. So here’s to accepting our differences and the tolerance that comes from caring enough to try & understand where someone else is coming from in their journey.

OB time & a focus towards hope...

So the husband & I started off our Monday morning in a wonderful way…at our first OB appointment!!! We actually saw the PA today & will see the OB next month, but all in all it was a lovely, fairly uneventful visit. We did get to hear the babies heart beat (with doppler), but no ultrasound…we got so spoiled at the RE’s office with ultrasounds every week or two. Definitely miss that part, but we’re enjoying the insurance paying for my visits so I suppose we can do with just the Doppler for now. The heart beat was very strong at 170bpm!!! She said everything else looks great, they’re having me stop by my primary care clinic sometime this week for some basic lab draws & otherwise it’s just monthly appointments for us now. We’ll go back for our next visit on May 6th…which feels like a long way off, but I’m sure will go faster than I think right now.

Lastly, I leave you all with another passage from The Belated Baby which continues to fill me with hope & I’m certain will do so for you other ladies in the IF blogosphere. “What’s made you so grounded despite the inevitable chaos that kids bring to your life is the fact that you know how close you were to them never being part of your life. Your family is the direct result of your hard work & determination despite the odds against you.” I’m quite certain that hardly a day will go by without this reality ringing true for us once our baby is born, to know that we were so close to never getting to experience parenthood & also cherishing this baby as it may be our only child. We have learned all too well through this experience that there are absolutely no guarantees & to be thankful for whatever success we are given. Finally I loved this quote that was in the book by Ernest Hemingway, “The world breaks everyone and afterwards, many are strong at the broken places.”

Book shout-out, support, & moving into the double digits!!!

First off I have to begin by raving about this fantastic book I’ve started reading, The Belated Baby: A Guide to Parenting After Infertility by Jill Browning & Kelly James-Enger. Although I’m just in the beginning stages of this book I cannot say enough good things about it. It truly is a must have for parents who have struggled with infertility! The forward of the book is written by Brenda Strong (the narrator on Desperate Housewives), who also happens to be the spokesperson for the American Fertility Association. I found particularly encouraging the following that she wrote, “going through infertility does make you a stronger and more decisive person. Every step of the way has prepared you to be a more grounded and grateful parent. Even so, dealing with the complexities of parenthood and your past can bring up emotional, social, and relationship hurdles. Understanding the unique situation you find yourself in and learning to adjust to the world of “normal” parents is just what this book helps you to do.” I can relate to so much of what the authors talk about in the first few chapters, so if you’re a reader & have struggled with infertility I’d definitely recommend you check out this book!

During our IVF treatment & even prior to that during our TTC journey I found the forums on babycenter.com to be helpful & comforting, especially the group for those pursuing assistive reproductive technologies. So once I became pregnant I looked forward to joining the October birth group, where other ladies who are due in the same month post questions or just talk about their experiences. But the truth of the matter is that the majority of posts on that babycenter group I just cannot relate to. I find myself even more thankful for my fellow IF bloggers with this realization; it’s nice to have a group of people who understand the struggles we’ve gone through & appreciate the feelings & experiences that go with that. The support & encouragement you all have provided on this journey have meant so much & will be something that I always cherish.

Update regarding political action interests…as some of you have noticed I’ve had a link on the right side of my blog urging you to take action regarding support of the Adoption Tax Credit, well good news for now at least regarding this legislation. The Adoption Tax Credit has been extended for one more year & the credit has been increased to $13,170! The extension was included as an amendment to the health care reform bill.

Lastly, I’m feeling super stoked to be heading into the double digits & week 10 of this pregnancy journey! Getting closer & closer to trimester#2!