Growth, weaning and thoughts on the future….

Thanks to help from my amazing husband I was able to wean Ian about three weeks ago. He helped in putting Ian down for his naps and bedtime to make the transition easier for both of us. Breastfeeding to 14 ½ months was far surpassing the initial goal I had for myself and I’m so thankful that Ian & I were able to share that bonding experience together for so long and that overall it was such a positive experience for us. Wow, engorgement is no joke though; I was really uncomfortable for a few days there and so glad that’s over. Thanks to breastfeeding I’m down to the lowest weight I’ve been in many years, and hopefully will be able to maintain that since I know once I start back on the fertility meds the weight will surely follow.

We’ve been starting to talk about the possibility of an FET sometime around the beginning of next year & wanted a few months in which I wasn’t either undergoing treatment, pregnant, or lactating! It was sad to leave this stage of mothering behind as I’m sure it is for most mothers, but thankful for the experience & the health benefits we both received as a result. And I’m now enjoying as much coffee, tea and wine as I’d like for the next few months:)

Ian has reached the age where I’ve been getting the question about when/if we’ll have a second child a lot lately. If you’d asked me a few months ago how I felt about thinking about another I’d have told you I felt too overwhelmed, terrified, etc, but in the past month I’ve been starting to feel the pull. I still have many fears that I know will surround the treatment/pregnancy journey in the future, but when seeing Ian interact with other children I’d really love for him to have a sibling someday. Time will tell if this is in the cards for us. For now we’re trying to make the most of the moments we’ve been given with Ian and enjoying his developing personality.

I finally took the time to put together a shutterfly book of pictures from his first year. It was incredible to look back at how far Ian has come in the past year; what a difference a year makes in so many ways! Life is pretty great right now, we’re in an awesome routine, Ian now sleeps through the night from about 7:30-8pm to 6:30-7am and still takes two naps a day, although he still tends to fight sleep during the day. Don’t get me wrong, we still have our difficult days, but overall life is simple yet beautiful at the moment.

We’re settling into our new home and enjoying all the extra space! Ian has mastered both crawling & walking and life is definitely busier now! He recently discovered his tongue and likes to make funny faces, which proves to be highly entertaining for us. You’re never too young to learn to not take yourself to seriously right?! Keeping him busy during the day has started to take some work. He’s a total outdoorsman, so when we’re able we spend time going on walks and exploring. He loves to read both by himself just flipping through his books and with us. We’ve also started trying out different activities thanks to Pinterest which has been fun for both of us. Seriously, what did people do before Pinterest (I’m a total addict). I’d love to hear about your fun activity ideas for toddlers, especially with the cold months approaching! Little man just turned 15 months old this past Friday…wow, time is flying!!!

Parenting books, teaching compassion, sewing and another move…

Although I know there is unfortunately no secret manual on how to parent a child, I do know books can sometimes be helpful in navigating the often confusing and challenging aspects of parenthood. What books have you all found to be helpful and would recommend? I’m currently reading Becoming the Parent You Want to Be by Laura Davis & Janis Keyser which was recommended by a friend, and I really like it so far. It’s inclusive of all family types which is a plus in my view and very informative. I’m also planning to read Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason by Alfie Kohn and The Case for Make Believe: Saving Play in a Commercialized World by Susan Linn, also both recommended by friends.

Speaking of books, You Are My Wish Come True by Marianne Richmond is a beautiful children’s book Ian received for his birthday and is so perfect for anyone who has struggled to build their family. The Mama Bear in the book even discusses how sometimes family members don’t look alike, that all families are different, and that what makes a family is their love for each other. Another part of the book I loved was when Mama Bear answers her son’s question on whether wishes always come true honestly. She responds that “not all of our wishes come true. But don’t ever stop wishing for the hopes of your heart”.  The author has also written a book that is specific to adoptive families.

I guess with all these latest culture wars raging I’m feeling an even greater need to instill in my son the love and compassion I hope that he sees us treat others with, and that he knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that whoever he is, whoever he becomes, he will always have our unconditional love and support. I want to equip him with strength and love and the desire to stand up for his beliefs as well as justice for all. I know that children mirror much of what they see in their families, so I’m trying to be more present in displaying kindness towards others and an inclusive environment in which differences are treasured. All of the judgment and hatred that is being flung by so many makes me feel very disheartened and honestly sad for those who are at the heart of all this disagreement just trying to live and love who they love. I can’t help but think that if I, a married heterosexual, feel so dejected by organized religion, how do my homosexual friends feel? And to those who are so freely flinging around beliefs that are unkind and disapproving of others, how would you feel if that was your child who loved someone of the same sex. It saddens me to think of children growing up in homes like this that are being taught that their feelings might not be “right” or acceptable by their parents, by God and/or society. I can’t help but think of that song…what the world needs now is love, sweet love, it’s the only thing that there’s just too little of.

Life is so unpredictable. I never would have guessed I’d be where I am now a year ago. We’re enjoying life in the new city and I’ve actually settled into the whole unplanned SAHM gig well and *gasp* I’ve started sewing! This is something I previously had absolutely no interest in learning and never would have thought I’d be good at, but I’m actually quite enjoying myself learning to sew. I’ve made some cloth napkins for our family and these reusable cloth towels...

I’m going to keep practicing and we’ll see, maybe I’ll be able to make a little business out of this new hobby. It’s been a great activity for me to work on while little man naps during the day and then once he goes to bed in the evenings. I’m a very goal oriented person and need to accomplish some tangible tasks throughout the day so these projects give me that sense of fulfillment while being at home. We’re preparing to close on our house in the new city in two weeks, so soon I’ll be busy packing yet again (hopefully the last time for a very long time) and then unpacking and arranging our lives and routines into a new home.

Speaking of the little man, Ian is doing great. As is typical of him, he reminded us he will do things on his own time and not according to any specific timeline. Just a little over a week ago he started walking before crawling. He wants absolutely nothing to do with crawling, and although we continue to work with him in trying to see the merits of how this could be helpful towards his mobility skills he doesn’t seem to agree. He also loves books and is currently fixated on about three books that he likes us to read over and over together throughout the day.

Lastly, Happy World Breastfeeding week to all you Mommas out there! Even if you tried breastfeeding and it didn’t work out for whatever reason, take comfort in knowing that you gave it a shot and you’re doing the best job you possibly can.

Two years....

Two years ago today our lives were forever changed; we became parents for the first time as our daughter Lillian Grace came into the world and left us just as quickly. So much has changed in those two years, thankfully the raw pain of her death has dwindled and with the new life that Ian has brought into our family our hearts have slowly healed, but we’ll always remember you Lily & wonder what might have been <3

A Year of Parenthood & What the Baby Books Don’t Tell You…

It’s been almost a year since Ian made his entrance into this world. On Thursday our little man will be one year old! In one year I’ve learned that sometimes the most unexpected things in life are the ones that shape us more than all the plans we’ve attempted to make for ourselves. That although life doesn’t always turn out how we may have expected, somehow it takes us where we need to be. That although life can be filled with agonizing grief, it can also be filled with astonishing joy & immense love.

I was reading a book called Night Road by Kristin Hannah this past week and there was a sentence that spoke so honestly of the experience of grief and learning to live after loss. “In the sea of grief, there were islands of grace, moments in time when one could remember what was left rather than all that had been lost”. Fortunately in the past year since Ian’s birth I’ve learned there is so much truth to this. That although there are still times when I wonder what could have been if Lily was still with us, those moments are not nearly as frequent as those in which I’m filled with gratitude that Ian is our son.

Jeannett at Life Rearranged is hosting this link up series which prompts us to talk about what the baby books don’t tell you. It’s something I think all parents can relate to. She is a funny, inspiring blogger and is also using this fun link up series as a way to get the word out about her latest fundraiser for clean water projects in developing nations. As she explains, “Becoming a mom makes the world a smaller place. The faces of children around the world squeeze your heart in a way they never did before. The anguish of a mother thousands of miles away hurts deeply. Knowing how often I pour a glass of water for my kids...wash their clothes...wipe down their faces...I can't NOT want to help a mother on the other side of the world provide the most basic of necessities for her sweet babe. Join us in supporting mothers worlds away. Because somehow, their babies are our babies too.”

We’ve learned that there is so much truth to the phrase “what a difference a year makes”. In the past year we’ve learned both the immense joy of being parents and the confounding humility that accompanies the reality that parenthood is the most challenging & rewarding role you’ve ever held. They don’t tell you in the baby books that you’ll question yourself constantly and your decisions about the smallest things. How you’ll worry about each decision you make and how it will impact your baby. You realize how little you really know! They don’t tell you that the highs & lows of parenthood can be as dramatic as the rollercoaster ride of infertility. That in one moment you’re feeling the frustration of a baby that refuses to sleep even though he’s completely exhausted, and the next you’re melting at the sound of that same baby’s babblings and smile.

They don’t tell you that although the parenting & baby books can be helpful in some ways, that each baby is so unique their suggestions may not work for your child, and there really is no magic parenting manual. That parenting really is one big experiment of trial and error and doing the best you can & hoping it’s enough. How becoming a parent fills you with unbelievable joy and at the same time fear of all the dangers that could harm your child. That you’ll never feel so inadequate and yet so fulfilled.

Our road to parenthood is one that isn’t experienced by many; it has shaped us in ways we couldn’t have expected and it has brought us more than we could have hoped. Yes, we have broken places in our hearts, but we are profoundly blessed in spite of them.

Settling in...

We’re beginning to settle into our new routines and adapting to life in our new city. In the midst of the move I got out of the habit of cooking Little Man’s baby food and have since gotten in the habit of buying it. One thing I absolutely love about living in a large city is the availability of good food, shops, and a fabulous farmers market. For the first time we’re in close proximity to a Whole Foods, and they have an incredible selection of baby food as well. We’ve started introducing stage three foods, and although he was a bit resistant to the varying textures initially, he’s starting to be more accepting of this. He absolutely loves his morning baby oatmeal and really is pretty good at eating most fruits and veggies. He currently has two bottom teeth and four top teeth. Any tips or tricks for introducing textures further? He’s still nursing and at this point and I’m planning to likely continue through the summer and then begin to get more serious about weaning. I never had expected to breastfeed for a year (and definitely not past it), but it’s been such an incredible bonding experience for us and continues to bring him so much comfort. I know there has been a lot said in the past week or so regarding this topic and I loved this post by Rage Against the Minivan, I think she sums it up well. There are far more important things for us to worry about instead of tearing each other down. I know at times I get caught up in little parenting decisions that really aren’t all that important, and her post really does offer a generous dose of perspective.

Hard to believe Little Man’s birthday will be coming up in a little over a month! We’ve been starting to discuss how we want to celebrate his special day. Really at this point we’ve only nailed down one detail, we saw all these great first birthday cake recipes for little ones and are planning to choose one of these to make for Ian’s smash cake. Since we’re in our small temporary digs away from our immediate families we are trying to decide how we want to plan a party. Whether we want to try and plan a short weekend trip home or if we want to just have a small get together at a location in the new city with whoever is able to make it. For those who have planned a first birthday party, what would you say was your favorite part of the celebration and what would you change if you could?

It’s been almost a year since our lives were changed for the better in such a beautiful way. Crazy what a difference a year can make!

To close with a little blog love…these were two incredibly poignant beautiful posts I’ve read recently; if you haven’t read them I’d encourage you to check them out. The first is written by Glennon at Momastery. It’s long but so worth the read; the letter to her son is one of the most heartwarming posts I’ve read. It is a love that I wish more children & adults received in this world.

I know Mother’s Day has already passed, but a friend shared this post with me and it’s such a great way to not leave out and isolate so many women on Mother’s Day that might not fall into the formal title our society is familiar with. I urge everyone to remember this in the years to come.

Moving & saying goodbye...

Tonight one of my oldest friends is hurting, a friend who is really family in that we’ve been there through all the ups and downs of life together since junior high. There are many things I could say, I could rant about the anger I feel for her at the unfairness of it all or the overwhelming heartache I know she and her husband are feeling in a very deep way, but really none of that can help. They are struggling with the end of negative treatment cycle, one in a line of many that was filled with hope and one in which they poured their hearts and souls. If you’ve known this grief or even if you haven’t but want to offer support, please stop by her blog. I know in the depths of my own grief sometimes knowing I wasn’t alone brought some small comfort.

If I’m a bit MIA for the next month it’s because we are in the process of packing up our home & moving at the end of this month. Nick received a fantastic new job opportunity this past week which has us relocating to the Kansas City area. We’re thrilled that we’ll now be in closer proximity to our families in Iowa and we absolutely love KC (we lived there briefly while in college). So life is going to be a bit hectic for the next couple of months. We just put our house up for sale, are attempting to find temporary housing in KC, and wrapping up our old jobs while also attempting to pack and make preparations to move our entire house.

This move is incredibly bittersweet for us. While we’re excited for this new adventure and there are definitely many positives for us with this move, there are also many things & people that we are going to miss dearly about the city that has been our home these past few years.

This is the place where we discovered on a very intimate level what coping with infertility is all about. This city holds the friends who’ve gathered around us rejoicing with the news of our first pregnancy following IVF and then held us as we grappled with the loss of our daughter. This is where we welcomed our son into the world and have reveled in watching him grow and develop.

There are several things about this place I’m going to miss so much and the thought of leaving them hits me with a wave of sadness. Lily’s tree, which we planted in our front yard, is one of the most difficult to leave behind. I remember when we planted it in her honor by planting new life in our little corner of the world in the hopes it would live on for many years. A symbolic remembrance that she will always be a part of our home and that in some ways her short life will continue to live on in various forms in this world. Now we have to leave it behind and hope the new owners will care for this tree and help it to thrive.

These are the things I’m going to have to grieve as we say goodbye to another chapter of our lives and embrace the next journey we find ourselves on. Life is a complexity of experiences and as we begin to travel another road in our lives we are filled with anticipation of all that awaits us.

Baby food, developmental milestones, and attempting to focus on the moment...

The introduction of solids has gone pretty well so far. Ian absolutely LOVES his morning oatmeal, and for the past couple of months we’ve been adding in veggies. Thanks to several of you who recommended this incredible wholesome baby food website that has guided us as we’ve began introducing some homemade baby food. They offer simple directions for each type of veggie or fruit you’d like to make for baby and even some recipes as baby’s diet advances. Also, I LOVE the food charts that are available for download based on baby’s age so you can keep track of when different fruits and veggies are introduced and whether baby liked or disliked them. It’s not only a wonderful way to track the introduction of new foods but also a great keepsake for Ian’s baby book. I’ve made his orange veggies (sweet potato, squash, carrots) and he also tried avocado, but I did use store bought green beans and peas. So far he loves his orange veggies, especially sweet potatoes, and not such a fan of the greens but we’ll keep working on that. We’re starting to also incorporate some fruits. He seemed to enjoy banana and we’re going to try apples later this week. One thing I also like about the wholesome baby food site is they give you other ideas of fruits/veggies to introduce that aren’t necessarily available as store bought baby food. We really want Ian to have a healthy, well rounded diet and are hopeful if we introduce lots of good veggies and fruits early this will give him a foundation for good nutrition throughout his life. What were some of your baby’s favorite first foods? For those of you who cooked homemade baby food what are some that you’d definitely recommend including in the mix?

I recently read this article about baby sign language & downloaded their free charts. We’re starting out by just introducing three signs, eat, sleep, & I love you, so we’ll see maybe in a couple of months whether little man will be able to communicate a bit more with us.

Teething officially began in our house and little man is now sporting two teeth! We’ve also been enjoying some fabulous spring weather here as of late and have taken to daily walks which he absolutely loves. Though he simply must have his sunglasses on or he gets upset if the sun is shining in his eyes; true story!

Esperanza at Stumbling Gracefully has come up with an awesome idea for those of us who love to read; she’s forming a parenting book club! If you’re interested in participating check out this link & join the fun. The first book we’ll be reading is Bringing up Bebe.

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It seems there are pregnancy announcements for second and third babies everywhere I turn these days. I can truly say for most of these people it leaves me feeling happy for them and doesn’t sting as it did before Ian was a part of my life, but it has brought up many thoughts as of late. Thoughts such as will I ever get to experience pregnancy again, will Ian get to be a big brother someday? Although if I’m being perfectly honest here the thought of being pregnant again brings with it a crazy amount of conflicting emotions and makes me feel a bit sick to my stomach. Still though, I have to wonder whether these peaceful, loving memories while breastfeeding my son be the last time I experience this incredible bonding moment with a child? I know I’ve heard other mothers who’ve struggled through the trenches of infertility talk about their decision to breastfeed longer then they had previously expected partly due to this uncertainty. Originally my goal had been to nurse until six months, but now with Ian approaching nine months in about a week I’m reevaluating that goal and I suppose we’ll see, we may just make it to a year after all. The health benefits to him are the primary reason but it’s also such an easy thing now, not like the challenging beginning stages of nursing. Not to mention the cost savings! What were your goals for breastfeeding initially and have they changed?

I try to remind myself I need to focus on living in the moment, cherishing the memories I am making with this incredible child I am so blessed to call my son. It’s another balancing act, not letting my mind wander too far into fears of the unknown future that await us when we attempt to build our family further while loving the life we are currently lucky enough to live. Not to mention I think about all of my IF friends still struggling to become parents and I think I need to stop worrying about the future and just bask in the thankfulness for this one incredible little child I have and focus on that. Perspective, I suppose, is as always key.

Are you talking about me?

Ian & one of our dogs...they're already getting to be close buddies...