A Year of Parenthood & What the Baby Books Don’t Tell You…

It’s been almost a year since Ian made his entrance into this world. On Thursday our little man will be one year old! In one year I’ve learned that sometimes the most unexpected things in life are the ones that shape us more than all the plans we’ve attempted to make for ourselves. That although life doesn’t always turn out how we may have expected, somehow it takes us where we need to be. That although life can be filled with agonizing grief, it can also be filled with astonishing joy & immense love.

I was reading a book called Night Road by Kristin Hannah this past week and there was a sentence that spoke so honestly of the experience of grief and learning to live after loss. “In the sea of grief, there were islands of grace, moments in time when one could remember what was left rather than all that had been lost”. Fortunately in the past year since Ian’s birth I’ve learned there is so much truth to this. That although there are still times when I wonder what could have been if Lily was still with us, those moments are not nearly as frequent as those in which I’m filled with gratitude that Ian is our son.

Jeannett at Life Rearranged is hosting this link up series which prompts us to talk about what the baby books don’t tell you. It’s something I think all parents can relate to. She is a funny, inspiring blogger and is also using this fun link up series as a way to get the word out about her latest fundraiser for clean water projects in developing nations. As she explains, “Becoming a mom makes the world a smaller place. The faces of children around the world squeeze your heart in a way they never did before. The anguish of a mother thousands of miles away hurts deeply. Knowing how often I pour a glass of water for my kids...wash their clothes...wipe down their faces...I can't NOT want to help a mother on the other side of the world provide the most basic of necessities for her sweet babe. Join us in supporting mothers worlds away. Because somehow, their babies are our babies too.”

We’ve learned that there is so much truth to the phrase “what a difference a year makes”. In the past year we’ve learned both the immense joy of being parents and the confounding humility that accompanies the reality that parenthood is the most challenging & rewarding role you’ve ever held. They don’t tell you in the baby books that you’ll question yourself constantly and your decisions about the smallest things. How you’ll worry about each decision you make and how it will impact your baby. You realize how little you really know! They don’t tell you that the highs & lows of parenthood can be as dramatic as the rollercoaster ride of infertility. That in one moment you’re feeling the frustration of a baby that refuses to sleep even though he’s completely exhausted, and the next you’re melting at the sound of that same baby’s babblings and smile.

They don’t tell you that although the parenting & baby books can be helpful in some ways, that each baby is so unique their suggestions may not work for your child, and there really is no magic parenting manual. That parenting really is one big experiment of trial and error and doing the best you can & hoping it’s enough. How becoming a parent fills you with unbelievable joy and at the same time fear of all the dangers that could harm your child. That you’ll never feel so inadequate and yet so fulfilled.

Our road to parenthood is one that isn’t experienced by many; it has shaped us in ways we couldn’t have expected and it has brought us more than we could have hoped. Yes, we have broken places in our hearts, but we are profoundly blessed in spite of them.