Trying to focus on the now...

Why is it that in our society we focus so much on the future & have difficulty really being in the moment? I’ll admit I struggle with this & have been trying to focus myself more on the here & now. I am so immensely thankful to be experiencing this pregnancy & I am trying to soak in the joy of each milestone. It’s such a great feeling to now be recognized by strangers as pregnant, to be asked about the baby, & to be able to talk with other pregnant women excitedly. And although I love all of this there is a part of me that cannot let go of the nagging thought that this might be my only experience in this pregnancy world. If it is I’m prepared to accept that & am grateful to have the one experience. I’m a planner type & with that comes my mind often drifting towards the future. I’ve been thinking more lately about whether when we’re ready for a second child we’ll attempt IVF again or if we’ll look towards adoption. I don’t know how either of us will feel when that time comes, we’ll take one step at a time, but it is something I can’t help but wonder on. I work as a social worker in a rather large hospital & most days am running from one situation or problem to the next constantly looking towards solutions. The other day my afternoon played out a little differently when a young child who had been abused just needed someone to rock him to sleep, suddenly there were very few things that were as important as that simple act of giving comfort & love to a small child who so desperately needed it. Child abuse is something I’ve seen before & undoubtedly given my career I’ll see again. Why people who abuse & neglect their children are able to easily conceive them while others who so desperately want to be loving parents struggle for years & through so much heartache is something I have had to stop trying to understand. There is no solving that puzzle; life is unfair at times & that is something we all have to come to know at some point in our lives. One thing cases like that always renew in me though is my passion to be an advocate for children such as him, to fight for what they deserve.

In visiting with a group of girlfriends earlier this week, some of which have no children, some who already have two, the topic of birth control/family planning came up. It’s still odd to think we never have to worry about birth control again & I have to admit it sucks a lot to know that if we want to have another child either through IVF or adoption we need to have thousands saved up to finance either option. Although it does give you perspective on what’s really important & how we choose to live our lives. I have faith that when the time comes God will guide us in the direction He desires for our lives & we will again step off into the uncertain clinging to the hope that He will see us through the challenges of whichever road we take.

Books & fortunes...

By far the highlight of this week was that one of my close friends from Alabama gave birth to her first child this past Sunday!!! She is such an awesome person & so inspiring, she had planned & prepared herself for a natural childbirth and it all paid off as she was able to accomplish her goal. While I’d love this for myself, I’m still not sure I have the strength to get through natural childbirth, only time will tell; that & I know every birthing experience is so varied I’ll just have to wait & see what mine will bring. She is also someone who like myself is very committed to breastfeeding & she is no surprise doing awesome with this too. I’ve heard from several of my nurse friends that you should not assume you’ll know how to do this & if you really want to succeed with breastfeeding it’s important to educate yourself. So I’ve already gotten a couple of books on the topic & started reading one of them this past week & wow is it informational! It’s called The Nursing Mother’s Companion & if you’re also planning to breastfed it is a must have! There is SO much to learn & I can see why so many women get frustrated & quit because they don’t have all of this information, it’s all a bit daunting to read initially, but I have no doubt is worth it. I’m also planning to take a class offered by the hospital I’ll be delivering at, I’ve heard from friends it was extremely helpful to them & I’m thankful the hospital has a breastfeeding clinic available free to all mothers who deliver there, so if problems arise that will be one of my first stops.

Yesterday I came home to a wonderful surprise that totally made my day, my amazing mother in law had sent me a few children’s books for our little one! She picked out the cutest books & I LOVE them all so much. Two of my favorites were I Love You Through & Through and Ten Little Fingers and Ten Little Toes. That last one is such an awesome book to teach children about diversity & tolerance and it’s so freaking cute! Then this morning our car seat & stroller set were delivered & they’re so adorable…I LOVE the pattern & think they’re perfect!

Lastly Nick & I went to dinner with a group of friends last night & we were all very amused to see that my fortune said, “A short stranger will soon enter your life with blessings to share”! And Nick’s said, “The current year will bring you much happiness”. Just wow huh? Needless to say I’ve kept them both & plan to put them in the baby book…they’re just too perfect!

Belly pic's & quiz time...

So as I’ve had several people asking that I start taking more belly pic’s I made it a point to do so this morning…so for your viewing pleasure…I’m definitely growing!!!

It’s so exciting to finally know the sex of our baby, just makes the whole thing feel more real & I am now completely in the place of enjoying this pregnancy, no more letting fears get to me, I’ve signed on for just the joy now & it rocks!

I’ve also made a decision regarding the baby registry, I decided to go with Target & then for our cloth diapering needs I’m going to create a registry on Nell’s Natural Baby. Her website totally rocks, it’s super cute & she has reasonable prices, also she has this great newborn rental package that we’re strongly thinking about. With the package you get 24 of the Kissaluvs newborn diapers for $150 & after 3 months you can return them getting $85 in credit to use towards more diapers on her site or $75 cash! I’ve heard that these paired with the Thirsties Duo Covers are the best to use for the newborn stage up to about 3mths. Then we’ll probably use more of the BumGenius & Flips from there. Also for those of you who are like me & are trying stock up when there are deals to make this whole process cheaper I found another buy one get one deal!!! At squishy tushy if you don’t already have the coupon which I didn’t you can get a BG AIO for $1.50 if you purchase $10 in BG products! Also we just got our first BG & Flip in the mail yesterday from the buy one get one deal we ordered last week…they are so freaking cute!!! Even Nick had to admit how soft & comfortable they looked & of course adorable! I can see why they say this whole cloth diapering thing can get addicting:)

Lastly I thought it was time to maybe start in with the quiz/updates I’ve seen so many others do so here goes…

How far along?: 18wks, 5 days!

Weight?: Are you ready for this…17lbs!!! I know I’m a bit worried, seems like a lot already!

Maternity clothes?: At this point only maternity pants will do…love them! Still wearing some of my old shirts though & I’m having better luck at finding regular shirts that are just a size bigger which are more my style, although I’ve gotten a few maternity tops too.

Stretch marks?: Not really…but been thinking I need to invest in some lotions as a preventative measure, just keep forgetting! Anyone have a brand they recommend?

Sleep?: Been challenging at times as I’ve always been a back & stomach sleeper which is no longer safe or comfortable. A co worker suggested the pillow between the legs on your side & that has helped a lot. Still not really comfortable, but I suspect that’s normal & will only get worse so all in all dealing alright. Continuing to have lots of crazy, sometimes freaky dreams.

Best moment this week?: Our ultrasound & finding out it’s a girl!!! Best moment of the pregnancy so far, it was incredible to see!

Movement?: None that I’ve felt yet, but hopefully soon. She sure was moving like crazy during the ultrasound!

Food cravings?: Not really, just enjoying food in general, obviously!  

What I miss?: I’d say coffee, especially when I pass by the Starbucks at the hospital, & of course I miss wine from time to time, but all completely worth it!

What I'm looking forward to?: Starting to show more so people recognize me as pregnant & not just fat. Also starting our registries!!!

Weekly Wisdom: All of the money, injections, & agony of the IVF journey were so completely worth it to get to this point!

Milestones: Finding out the sex of our baby.

How's Daddy? Fantastic, excited & enjoying telling everyone he’s going to have a little girl.

Emotions: Definitely was feeling a bit full circle in that ultrasound room this week, thinking back to all we’ve experienced this past year & everything it took us to get to that moment was incredibly emotional. There were so many moments during the year in which I never knew if I’d get that experience & then to finally be in the moment and see my child, my daughter on that screen was so miraculous. It’s difficult to properly put words to that experience, so I’ll just say it was by far the best moment in this whole journey!

It's a....

GIRL!!! We had our sonogram today & it was AMAZING! We had the nicest ultrasound tech, she was so awesome; enjoyed a good 40 minutes or so of looking at baby & she gave us a bunch of great pictures. Baby is measuring right on target at about 9 ounces & everything looks great. She moved around so much, it was so incredible to see! We saw the OB after that & had a great visit with her as well. The only thing she mentioned as something to watch for is that my placenta is currently low, which at this point in time is no big deal as things can move around a lot in between now & baby’s arrival. It is something though that she said they want to monitor to ensure it doesn’t lead to placenta previa so because of that she said they’ll have us do another ultrasound at around 28wks to see how things are looking. So all in all fantastic freaking day! Here are just a few pictures for your viewing pleasure….

Her cute little foot...

Legs crossed, she's such a little lady...

Me, the bump, & all my lovely pictures...

Anniversary, cloth diapers, & IVF children's book

Nick & I happily celebrated our 7 year wedding anniversary yesterday! On one hand it’s so hard to believe it’s been that long, but on the other hand I feel like we’ve known each other so much longer. I’m so thankful that somehow we found each other in this crazy world & that he chose me to be his partner in life. It’s exciting to think that at this time next year there will be someone else celebrating with us & our family will no longer be just the two of us!

I’ve gotten many comments that several of you are also planning to cloth diaper & are following recommendations or info I write regarding our plans for cloth diapering, so I’m excited to report I placed my first “fluff” order today!!! There is an amazing coupon available through Kellyscloset that is offering a FREE BumGenius AIO (all in one) with the purchase of $10 or more of any BumGenius, Flip, or Econobum purchase!!! So ladies if you’re planning to stock up this is a great time to start building your stock pile! Here is a link to the coupon if you’re interested & want to check it out…it’s good until the end of the month or when they run out of availability..
http://www.kellyscloset.com/bumGenius_bymfg_4-0-1.html

Lastly, I was thrilled to find out about this book today called I Can’t Wait to Meet You, it is written by a social worker (which being one of course I love) and is specifically written to help in telling a child they were conceived through IVF. The author has been through IVF herself & wrote this book to help children understand this concept & how much they were wanted. I am definitely planning to order this book & will write a review for you all once I receive it!

Change in venue...

So as I had mentioned in my last posting I wasn’t feeling entirely comfortable with the OB clinic I had met with last week & since the doctor was changing practices I started asking around. Thankfully one of my old co-workers told me about her amazing OB & the clinic she has used for her first two pregnancies & now her third, so I decided to give them a try & change clinics all together. I had my first appointment with my new clinic today & have to say I feel MUCH more comfortable at this clinic. I met with the PA today & will meet with the OB in 2wks, but I already know after this visit that this is the place for me. I was more comfortable with the answers she gave to my questions & just felt more at ease in general with this clinic. So glad this is one less thing for me to stress about! Baby’s heartbeat was measuring beautifully at 154bpm & she said I’m measuring exactly at 16wks, which was very reassuring!

Feeling extremely excited because at my appointment in 2wks I’ll also be getting my sonogram & we’ll hopefully find out the sex of our baby!!! I can’t believe it’s already time for this, it’s hard to believe we’ve already made it to this point in the pregnancy.

Those of you who left comments on cloth diapering with my last post, thank you! At this point in time I’m leaning towards the Bum Genius & Flip lines, thinking I’d get some of each. I like the all in ones & also pre-folds, will probably try some of each. I found this great website, Jillian’s Drawers, that I love & have started a registry with them; for now just to keep track of which brands/types I’m thinking of & eventually closer to the time I’ll narrow it down to more specifics. Also for those of you who are planning to cloth diaper it’s important to be careful which types of diaper rash creams you use as some of these can harm the absorbency of cloth diapers. One that is safe to use & they carry at Target is California Baby, this is probably the type I’ll plan to use as it’s good for sensitive skin as well. As a typical redhead I tend to have sensitive skin so if this baby takes after me we’ll need to be more conscious of choosing baby care products that are good for sensitive skin. Also for those of you who are cd guru’s what type of laundry detergent do you use? I know you have to use a certain type of detergent so as to not harm the diapers while also ensuring there properly cleaned. Thanks for your feedback ladies!

We had a fantastic weekend, we got a crib & dresser that we love (thank you Mom & Dad for the crib!!!). I also got an incredible deal on a Medela freestyle breast pump & crib mattress. And me being the nerdy lover of books that I am I had a giftcard I had saved from my old co-workers to a bookstore which I decided to use to buy some new baby books!!! It was so incredibly fun, I read so many little books & finally decided on a few…I love looking at them & am so excited to read them to our little one!

OB appointment...

Sorry I’ve been a bit MIA as of late, just enjoying life & thankfully not had any major drama that I needed to get off my chest. So now that I am well into week 15 of this pregnancy I’m feeling a lot more secure & not nearly as worried as I had previously. We had our monthly OB appointment today & all was well with baby and me. The heartbeat was measuring at 152bpm, so nice & healthy. Although we already knew that would be the case since we did purchase the fetal heart monitor a couple weeks back. It’s been working awesome & is so wonderful for peace of mind! Otherwise my main stressor right now is that my OB informed me she is leaving the practice at the end of this month, which totally sucks! Not for any negative reasons, but she got an amazing job offer on the west side of town & because we live on the east side there is no way I’m following her to the new practice, it would require far too long of a drive. She wants to see me back in 3wks for another check up before she leaves & I also get to call the office tomorrow to schedule my anatomy sonogram for before that appointment!!!! It was after 5pm when we were leaving the clinic today, hence the need to call in tomorrow to schedule that. I’ve heard good things about other physicians in her practice, guess I just need to give one of them a try now. I’m a little concerned in that I asked her some questions regarding their cesarean vs. vaginal birth rates, circumstances they pursue interventions, etc, and frankly wasn’t too happy with some of her answers. I’ve been reading a book one of my friends lent me The Thinking Woman’s Guide to a Better Birth & it is quite the eye opener. I definitely want to avoid induction & absolutely want to avoid a cesarean if possible. She said their rate of cesarean is probably about 22%, which from what I’ve read is pretty high…so feeling a bit uneasy with that knowledge, so we’ll see. The whole reason I’m reading up on all of this is so that I can be the best advocate for myself & my baby so that needless interventions aren’t pushed on my because I’m clueless.

Also I’m planning to cloth diaper so I’ve been researching that quite a bit lately, there are some amazing options out there these days! A close friend who is due this month with her first is also planning to cd & has given me so much great info, I think I’m finally getting narrowed down the brand & type of diaper I want to try initially so I’m very excited about that as well. If any of you are also planning to cd or have in the past please let me know what your favorite diapers are/were & also any other helpful tidbits!

On a side note, for those of you who enjoy reading, my book club is reading a phenomenal book right now that I absolutely have to plug. The Help by Kathryn Stockett; I’m a little over half way through it at this point & it is by far one of the best books I’ve read in a long time & trust me, I read a lot of books!